Oh, boy, can Curt Schilling talk. And his big mouth is a lot like his arm used to be: great to have around every fifth day or so.

So he says Bobby Valentine was a dumb choice as  Red Sox manager. Point taken.

He says Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa and Roger Clemens aren’t worthy of the Hall of Fame because they’re tainted by steroids. He could argue that, and we might listen, assuming he was clean himself.

He says he was “pissed” that Osama bin Laden got a proper burial, rather than, I don’t know, have his bloody corpse be driven jubilantly around Boston in a duck boat. That’s kind of sick. Still, you could argue that a terrorist needs …

Let me set the scene for you: I wanted needed to improve the depth of my fantasy league roster, I had already dealt Adrian Gonzalez from my squad, a move that left me in need of an offensive “keeper” for next season.

Never mind that mine is a three-year keeper league, and this was my third year with Mr. Sabathia, so I wanted to pull the trigger to have an ace more appealing than, say, Doug Fister to hold onto for 2013.

Long story short, I finagled a deal for David Price (sweet) and Evan Longoria (sweeter) for Sabathia and Brett Lawrie, which provided me with keepers for both the lumber and the arms for next year (sweetest).

But …

It’s not every day that one of a franchise’s most marketable players gets sent to the minors.

But the Marlins aren’t every organization, and Gaby Sanchez isn’t the dictionary definition of marketable.

Sanchez is looked at as one of the faces of Miami that can connect with the Cuban community, since that’s his community too. He grew up the son of Cuban immigrants and went to the U.

While he’s not the most exciting guy in the world, he connects well with the fans because of his heritage. Also, he’s a heck of a linebacker (ok, only when Nyjer Morgan is around, but still…)

This year, Gaby has struggled. Wait, that’s not strong enough…

This year, Gaby’s stats have been …

There’s quite a log jam atop the monthly leaderboard, which means that over the final 11 days of May, you can still make a dent, and even win the prize, which is an epic zombie baseball card of the player of your choice — past or present — courtesy Chicago artist Jeremy Scheuch.

And that’s not only unique, it kind of rocks.

So have a gander at the list of nominated players, take 10 seconds to submit your nomination along with a valid email address and username for purposes of scoreboard display and get in on the fun!

Check out the contest right here and send your selections via email or Twitter:

levanson@bugsandcranks.com or @LandoBC75

*****

MAY CONTESTANTS (Points for …

I’d been ill for more than a week. Just about dead by my own estimation. And in my darkest hour, the smoke alarm downstairs between the kitchen and dining room chose to begin loudly tweeting, at annoyingly regular intervals, about its own fading health, or more specifically that of its battery. LOUDER and MORE INSISTENTLY until it was squawking every other minute.

Mary was off running errands, probably filling one prescription or another meant to ease the suffering or at least the complaining of her sweaty, smelly patient. I had a choice: go slowly insane, or go grab a ladder and haul my diseased carcass up for a little face to face with the obnoxious noise maker…

Which is where …

Big McLarge Huge news!

No, it’s not me feasting on the sweet, delicious tears of Miami Heat fans. Tasty they would be, but I’m currently in Muncie at a client site. I did ask my neighbor to bottle some for me, but he may have passed out in the courtyard after imbibing his share.

No, it’s not Ricky Nolasco pitching like he belongs in Jacksonville his past two starts.

No, it’s not Giancarlo Stanton channeling his inner Hulk Thor (that’s a better fit) the past few days.

It’s Ozzie (of course).

He quit Twitter.

“my last tweet. me ultimo tweet good luck buena suerte.”

The reason.

He tweeted this a few hours after he tweeted about the loss of his …

DEVIL: Well, Dan, I hope you’re enjoying this.

DAN DUQUETTE: Quiet, please. I’m watching Delmarva vs. Hickory.

DEVIL: Sure, Dan. Eat it up. Savor it.

DAN: Jeez, Devil. Why you gotta hang around here, grinning all the time, twirling your weird arrow-tail thing?

DEVIL: I guess I don’t have to hang around here, Dan. I guess I’m just enjoying it. I’m rather fond of this game of yours and I’m enjoying watching your Baltimore squad spin gold out of shit thus far.

DAN: You got that right. All these injuries and we’re still the team nobody wants to play.

DEVIL: It’s true, Dan.

DAN: Nolan Reimold, down again. Stiff neck. He’s had a couple of epidurals and they’re not working….

Okay, I’ll keep this brief. Terry Collins should be apologizing to the entire Mets team, organization and fan base. In a season where even the Mets themselves are surprised by how good they are, Terry boldly decided to revert the Mets image to “little brother” status in one fell swoop.

On Tuesday night, the Mets were on the wrong side of an 8-0 margin. DJ “Don’t call me DFA” Carrasco just got ejected for launching 78mph flames at the Brewers, following a moonshot. Terry Collins thought the best course of action would be to take the team’s unofficial captain out of the game to “protect” him from a retaliation toss.

At 7:10 p.m., the Mets were — in the eyes …

I usually like Grantland. I mean, I’m not a fanatic or anything. Anything written by Bill Simmons makes my eyelids heavy. But in general, it’s a site that offers stuff I like.

Grantland and Bugs&Cranks share some sensibilities. It’s more fun to read about sports when they’re written by interesting writers and not, I don’t know, Mel Kiper or something. Grantland acts like they’re independent, but they’re very much an ESPN production. And McSweeney’s publishes their books. So yes, if you can’t tell, I’m insanely jealous of our better-funded cousin. But they’re generally OK in my book.

But today they offer a head-scratcher. A guy named Michael Kruse wrote a seriously confusing piece that appears to condone selling ads …

Drew Perry keeps telling me, “See you in October.” I keep begging him to stop saying that.

I come from a superstitious family. My grandmother, a Pittsburgh fan her whole life, would gasp in horror any time anyone showed any confidence in the Pirates. She was convinced you could jinx your team by believing a win was in the bag. And I’m not sure she was wrong.

Drew, of course, is a Braves fan. The Braves are matching the surprising Nationals step for step in the stacked National League East. You’ve read his stuff. It’s fantastic and it’s totally genuine. He’s wallowing in these first two months of the season. He’s drinking in every Braves win and swishing it …

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