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September 2, 2009 at 9:14 am ET
3 Comments
David Wright’s Helmet is So-o-o-o-o…

3879390837_164322c1fcAs most of you know by now, thanks to Metsblog, The Fightins and the changed weather patterns around Denver, David Wright’s return to the lineup also marked the debut of the proposed new protective batting helmet.

That is, if you’re looking to “protect” your celibacy.

Dave, we are all thrilled to hear that you’re feeling better, and that you want to guard your grey matter against another direct hit. We’re even happier to see that you care more about the game than you do about image. But there’s no way in hell you’re going to get away with this without a few meaningless jokes at your expense.

And that’s where I come in…

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, the Mets are opening another Shake Shack under the ear flap.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, it also debuted in Japan at the same time.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, INS looked inside and found 15 Haitian refugees on an inflatable raft.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, that you can also see Yankee Stadium in the reflection.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, Carlos Beltran’s mole almost fits inside.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, that Carvel just doubled the price of their novelty ice cream sundae.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, he can now drive in the HOV lane.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, Queens just hired a new congressman.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, he has to dry it off with the AIDS quilt.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, his new baseball card is now a three-part series.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, that it almost covers the shame of being knocked out by Matt Cain.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, his next bobblehead will vibrate and only be sold to those 18 and over.

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, it recently auditioned to co-host “The View.”

David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, even Oliver Perez could hit it.

———————–

Yeah, that was kinda dumb. Thanks for playing.

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3 Responses to “David Wright’s Helmet is So-o-o-o-o…”
  1. dude abides says:

    That’s not David Wright. That’s the Great Gazoo from the Flintsones:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Gazoo

  2. Ollie Perez Rocket Scientist says:

    At least David will get a free ride home on the short bus after every home game this year.

  3. jj says:

    David Wright’s helmet is so-o-o-o-o big, it even fits Barry Bonds

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