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April 30, 2008 at 10:01 am ET
Things You’ll Never Hear at Shea

The following things will never be said by anyone visiting Shea Stadium this season:

  1. “I love the Flushing skyline.”
  2. “Yes, that’s urine, but from which borough?”
  3. “I think Pedro’s pitching tonight.”
  4. “How is your merlot?”
  5. “Ralph Kiner remembered me.”
  6. “Sosa brought his A-game.”
  7. “Mr. Met touched me in a bad place.”
  8. “Yeah, that burger’s definitely Angus.”
  9. “They’re out of Kevin Elster throwbacks.”
  10. “Ah-LOOO-Alou-Alou-Alou!!!”
  11. “The alcohol-free section is full.”
  12. “Who are those attractive women on the sausage line?”
  13. “This year, let’s see what we can do to an 8-game lead…”
  14. “Where’s Rickey?”
  15. “Welcome home, Tim McCarver!”
  16. “No moving down, these are our assigned seats.”
  17. “Where are all the Hispanic players?”
  18. “Billy Joel is a Mets fan at heart.”
  19. “I hope they hit Cow Bell Man with a rocket launched t-shirt.”
  20. “Next year is now.”
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29 Responses to “Things You’ll Never Hear at Shea”
  1. Drano says:

    “Hey, where’s the Dippin’ Dots stand? I could really go for some of those!”

  2. Brad Bortone Brad Bortone says:

    Dippin’ Dots defy logic…much like the 2008 NY Mets.

  3. Drano says:

    “Dude, I was a doubter but Castillo has really shut me up.”

    “A 7-0 deficit in the the second inning is no biggie – this team knows how to score.”

    “These guys do the little things well.”

  4. Jeff says:

    “Looks like Duque is gonna have another great year!”

  5. Drano says:

    “I can’t think of a better way to spend a nice day!”

  6. Drano says:

    “Willie is fired up now and it’s really rubbing off on his players.”

  7. “As long as we get 6 strong from our starter, the bullpen should hold the lead.”

  8. Sarge says:

    Will these guys extend Delgado already!?!?

  9. Brad Bortone Brad Bortone says:

    “It’s not as charming as Riverfront, but the ambiance definitely rivals the Vet.”

  10. Brad Bortone Brad Bortone says:

    “Found me sum fly bitches on the loge, son.”

  11. bryan says:

    “Get your Divisional Playoff Programs here!”


  12. ill says:

    “Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard both deserved their MVP awards. Without a doubt in my mind.”

  13. Brad Bortone Brad Bortone says:

    Laughing my ass off. Keep it up!

  14. Dave says:

    “When are they going to bring back “Who Let the Dogs Out?””


    “Luis Castillo runs really well. He looks so healthy.”


    “I really love that clapping tune they play in between pitches every inning.”

  15. Jeremy says:

    “Reyes might be slumpnig, but at leasts he busts it down to first everytime.”

  16. ill says:

    “Please keep off the escalators.”

  17. Brad Bortone Brad Bortone says:

    We have a winner. Tasteless, but hilarious — you’ll fit in well around here.
    Remember: Tragedy + Time = Comedy

  18. ill says:

    too bad I’m a Phillies fan.

  19. Brad Bortone Brad Bortone says:

    This explains a lot…

  20. Zoe says:

    This made me laugh out loud, but the sausage line isn’t teeming with attractive dudes either, homey.

  21. Toasty Joe says:

    “Holy crap, Willie’s gonna kill that umpire!”

    “Mmmm….this popcorn is hot, fresh, and with only a hint of salt! Delicious!”

    “I’ll never understand why they won’t retire Roger Cedeno’s number.”

    “If only they played the music louder.”

  22. Trash Man says:

    “The Mets really play with a lot of heart.”
    “Heilman’s gonna set them down 1-2-3 this inning.”
    “I can’t believe they’re going to tear this down.”
    “The bases are loaded, bring in Heilman.”
    “This team is too young.”
    “They’re afraid to pitch to Delgado.”
    “They’re putting in Pagan for defensive reasons.”
    “Perez is throwing strikes today.”
    “Beltran’s playing through some injuries.”
    “Castillo just homered.”
    “The fans just love Willie.”

  23. mattygreen says:

    it’s about time they retired bonilla’s number!

  24. TurkWendell9999 says:

    “Please sign my petition to earn Shea Stadium National Landmark Protection”

    “If only Rickey were still coaching first base…”

    “I still contend the Mets shouldn’t have let go of Hampton”

  25. Trash Man says:

    “The Mets have a comfortable lead.”

  26. Shea's Uncle says:

    I hope that’s Schoeneweis warming up…

  27. Drano says:

    “I don’t know how Reyes manages to maintain that level of intensity – he’s going to give himself a heart attack.”

  28. khmustache says:

    “i’ll cheer for glavine…i like all former mets”

  29. ek says:

    “I really miss Mota and Milledge!”
    “Mets fans are so loyal…they never boo their own players!”
    “Benitez was the best pitcher we ever had”
    “Wow, that guy sitting over there is HOT!”
    “Beer is so cheap”
    “Billy Wagner is so classy!”
    “why does Mr. Met look so sad?”

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