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September 26, 2008 at 3:53 pm ET
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Almost Got My Ass Kicked

So as a Cubs fan living in New York, I couldn’t keep myself away from Shea this week.テつ I chose to attend Wednesday’s game since Big Z was pitching, and here’s how it went down:

2nd INN: Mark DeRosa homers, I stand and cheer while the Mets fans tell me to sit the fuck down.テつ 1-0 Cubs

3rd INN: Big Z starts randomly walking people before giving up a grand slam to Delgado.テつ Not fun for me.テつ 5-1 Mets

4th INN: Oliver Perez reaches 90 pitches.テつ I start taunting the NY crowd about how we are going to feast on their bullpen.テつ Nobody argues with me.テつ 5-1 Mets (for now)

5th INN: Cubs rally against a tired Perez and then his bullpen replacements.テつ 5-5 tie

7th INN: Soriano puts us ahead with a 2 out double.テつ 6-5 Cubs

7th INN: Leadoff double followed by a bunt singleテつfrom Reyes.テつ 1st and 3rd, no outs.テつ The Mets are going to score right?テつ Wrong.テつ None of the next 3 batters can get a hit, sac fly, or productive grounder.テつ Man stranded at 3rd, opportunity wasted.テつ I laugh.テつ 6-5 Cubs

8th INN: Lou decides to walk someone with 1Bテつempty and Samardzija ruins his plans by walking in the tying run.テつ 6-6 tie

9th INN: Bob Howry comes into the game.テつ I get nervous.テつ Howry gives up a leadoff triple.テつ I start to gather my things to leave.テつ Then the Mets show how much of a contender they really are when they again strand a man on 3rd with no outs.テつ Unbelievable.テつ 6-6 tie

10th: Cubs rally behind a Theriot singe, an RBI double by Lee, and a 2 run HR by Aramis.テつ Mets fans start to leave.テつ I taunt them for leaving while they still have a shot, almost get into a fight with overly sensitive Mets fans.テつテつ Kerry Wood shuts them down in order.テつ 9-6 Cubs

How often do you win a game in which yourテつstarter gives up a grand slam and only lasts 4 2/3?テつ How often do you escape two situations with a runner on 3rd and no outs late in the game?テつ These are the differences between a team that may or may not barely make the playoffs and the titans of the NL.テつ Our team finds a way to win in seemingly impossible circumstances.テつ In the end, it comes down to depth.テつ Our team has limitless reserves of talent to call upon as needed, and other teams just don’t.テつテつ Our lineup is deep, our bench is deep, our rotation is deep, and our bullpen is deep.テつ We have an embarassment of riches at this point.

In the other games of this series, Lou has been using our scrubs to rest the starters and to test out his playoff roster.テつ AND THEY’RE HANGING WITH THE WILD CARD LEADERS.テつ Last night Michah Hoffpauer, a 28 year-old September call up (though he would have been a regular player for many other teams by now), went 5 for 5 with 2 HR and 5 RBI and was single-handedly beating the Mets until a late innings rally.テつ Mets announcer Gary Cohen referred to him prior to his 5th AB of the night, in complete sincerety, as “The Mighty Hoffpauer.”テつ Then when he turned that AB into a single going the other way with an outside slider, Kieth Hernandez called it “a thing of beauty.”テつ Now, Iテつknow Hoffpauer (pronounced Hoff-power; a great name for a slugger) has been tearing up the minors (including a 5 for 5 with 4 HR effort), but these were his first HR in the majors and this was against a team in the heart of a playoff race.テつ Apparently their team collectively wants to make the playoffs less than one of our guys wants to make his teams playoff roster.テつ And aside from him, we were playingテつ3 other September call ups.テつ Our AAA players are as good as the WildテつCard leading Mets.テつ I gotta say, that feels REALLY good right about now.

The best part of all of this is that, with playing the Brewers right after the Mets, the Wild Card will be decided by which team can beat our backups.テつ Doesn’t that rain on the parade of whoever stumbles into the playoffs?テつ “Yay, we barely beat a bunch of bench players, call-ups, and non-playoff-roster scrubs!テつ Woo Hoo!!!テつ Now we get to be ousted in the first round!”テつ Seriously, this is a fun way to tune-up for the playoffs.テつ Our scrubs Vs. your starters to see who we get to play down the road.テつ Does anyone think I’m kidding when I say that I never thought this would happen with a Cubs team?テつ Pinch me.テつ No wait!テつ Don’t!テつ If I’m dreaming right now, I don’t want to wake up.テつ Wake me up in October.

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One Response to “Almost Got My Ass Kicked”
  1. klw says:

    If you’re dreaming, wake you in October??

    No wonder the Cubs haven’t won it in 100 years, the fans can’t even dream right. How about waking you in November AFTER they win?

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