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Bugs & Cranks
October 2, 2007 at 8:37 pm ET
Cubs Postseason Drinking Game

Whether you love them or loathe them, the Cubs are in the playoffs. With a history of iconic failure, the Cubs don’t tread lightly when they make the postseason. Stupid signs will be waved. Curses will be exorcised (I wish Daryle Ward exorcised). A century of losing will be flogged.

If you happen to be a fan of the Cardinals, White Sox, Brewers, or the Indians (who would own the next longest losing streak), there are still ways to make the playoffs tolerable. I present the Cubs 2007 Postseason Drinking Game.

Required Supplies:

If I were a “real fan” I would tell you to pick up a case of Old Style because they’ve been a sponsor of the Cubs since the Korean War. Unfortunately, it tastes like liquid sawdust so fuck it, I’m grabbing a case of Bud Light. After all, Harry was a Bud Man.

You’ll also want a bottle of something hard to fight that bubbly-stomach feeling when you have to pound 8 drinks in a minute.

If you’re watching with a hot blonde, feel free to substitute champagne.

Take One Drink

  • Any camera shot of a celebrity in the stands wearing Cubs gear
  • The commentator mentions the Cubs haven’t won the series in 99 years
  • TV cameras show a white “W” flag
  • Wrigley field is described as any of the following: charming, historic, quaint, gorgeous, landmark, priceless, classic, vintage, iconic
  • A sign in the crowd depicts the Cubs logo with some other word besides “Cubs”
  • Drink at all mentions of goats, black cats, Bartman and curses
  • A commentator mentions Carlos Zambrano’s contract extension
  • Drink every time you feel an undeniable urge to punch Ernie Johnson in the face. In second thought, just drink once.

Take Two Drinks

  • Lou Pinella goes batshit crazy at the umpire
  • Felix Pie enters the game as a pinch runner or defensive replacement
  • Ron Santo is shown broadcasting the game from a nearby booth
  • “It’s Gonna Happen” shirts are seen or mentioned by the broadcasters
  • Announcers mention that Kerry Wood is frequently injured
  • A shirtless fan is shown (double if it’s a lady!)
  • The announcers mention that Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot were college teammates
  • The White Sox 2005 championship is mentioned

Finish your Drink!

  • Daryle Ward plays the field
  • Daryle Ward advances past first base
  • Someone explains Eamus Catuli
  • Announcers mention Carlos Marmol is a converted catcher
  • Carlos Zambrano punches someone
  • A Cubs pitcher pinch hits

If you’re a regular bleacher bum, you should be plenty toasted by the time the game ends. If you’re a fan of a Cub-hating team, I’d imagine you’re blacked out and approaching medical attention by now and will never have to remember the Cubs were in the playoffs. Don’t worry, though, we’ll remind you.

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9 Responses to “Cubs Postseason Drinking Game”
  1. Rachael W says:

    I’m an Indians fan, but I’m rooting for the Cubs to go to the World Series, too. The reason? My Cubs-fan-friend’s older brother writes for the Tribune and promised to get us World Series tickets if the Indians and Cubs make it to the Fall Classic. I’m really, really crossing my fingers here. (Of course, if that scenario plays out, I would be rooting for the Tribe to win it all. Sorry, Cubbies.)

    I’m also a college student, so all forms of drinking games are appreciated. And seeing as how Cleveland’s facing the Yankees, lots of drinking might be needed this week.

  2. Bad Kermit says:

    Damn you, “It’s Gonna Happen” guy. Damn you straight to hell.

  3. Bobby Y says:

    They have a new curse that I don’t believe they’ve addressed, yet, but it’s almost sure to kick in this postseason. It has to do with the revenue sharing plan the Cubs have entered into with the establishments across Waveland and Sheffield that charge admission for their unique roof-top views. “Greed is good,” I suppose, but why mess with a good thing when you’ve got a boatload of OTHER things to worry over?

    I’m not sure if the high dollar center field box is curse-worthy or not, yet; get back to me after mid-to-late October.

  4. Ryan S. says:

    Well it would be worth a high $$$ centerfield box if the Cubs actually had someone in center. Say hello to Andruw Jones or Torii Hunter, expect Cubbies be after after their 9th player because Pie isn’t worth chit!!

  5. Carlo says:

    I’m a Cubs fan rooting for Cleveland and Chicago to advance to the WS. Why? Because I know 4 Cleveland season ticket holders and have extracted promises from all of them to buy a ticket at the Jake for me if that is the matchup. Please God, let me go to the World Series!

  6. cubshater says:

    Cubs Suck

  7. joe says:

    i’m a diehard sox fan. i love baseball. i like the cubs. i don’t like there fans too much, but i wish our team well though i have bets on this first round 4 them 2 lose. i’ll realy start paying attention after this first round. “good luck cubs” as 4 u fans hope u don’t get ur hearts broken. good baseball instead of a drunk park w/ easy pickings. what would u like better? eeemmmmm!!!!!!!

  8. Pamela says:

    At this point, I’m willing to try anything!!! Go Cubs.

  9. rafael says:

    cubs suck major donkey balls

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