I got a message from my wife yesterday that would make anyone’s heart sink:
I just stood behind A-Rod at my gym’s cafe.
WHAT?! You don’t leave A-Rod unattended near your women-folk! Maybe she was seeing things. Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe… no, she snapped a photo and it’s him all right:
How could this happen?
I work out at Planet Fitness in Cambridge, which heavily advertised its $10/month special during the Sox opener on NESN. She works out at Sports Club LA in Boston, which is connected to the Ritz-Carlton. Visiting athletes will stay at the Ritz and work out at the Sports Club, whereas my gym has one water fountain and sketchy-looking massage chairs. But I guess Sports Club is a bit like real LA because… nobody cared about A-Rod. Yup, despite being in the presence of the highest-paid athlete in the history of the world, possibly the eventual home run king of major league baseball… people could not be bothered. To widen out that photo:
Dude behind him staring into space. Girl checking out her phone. Nobody giving a good goddam. I’m sure that’s exactly what athletes like about Sports Club LA. But still, it makes me laugh.
My wife indulged me a quick Q&A:
Was he dreamy?
Really? He had the makeup thing going on even in real life?
Was he big?
He was, but not as huge as I might have expected.
Did anyone try to punch him in the face like Varitek?
No one seemed to recognize him except me. The woman serving him seemed to understand he was a VIP. And he gave me a weird stare at one point.
I looked like ass from working out, so it wasn’t like that.
That’s good, because I’m not sure I could kick his ass.
Uh, no, you could not.
Do you like A-Rod more than me?
I really hate A-Rod.
You didn’t answer my question.
Hey, look, a bear!
So, what’d he buy?
He was OBSESSED with the coconut water and was looking at each label for, like, ten minutes.
Coconut water or coconut JUICE? Did you witness A-Rod juicing?
I think it’s called coconut water. As I was leaving, he was putting, like, five coconut waters into a bag. Or rather his handlers were.
Your gym is way nicer than my mine.
The other day, a woman walked into my spinning class wearing a fur coat.
I bet you pay more than $10/month. Actually, don’t answer that.