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May 16, 2008 at 11:53 am ET
20 Comments
Devil Rays Haiku Contest

Without Aki, Haiku would just be uh or hu.Naturally, the way our beloved American League-leading Devil Rays have embraced their destiny has served for many as an inspiration for artistic expression.

SideSalad’s Jeff The Chef* sent me a link this morning to no less than 8 Devil Rays haiku (or Rayku if you will, which you probably shouldn’t).

Feel free to send in your own entries or leave them in the comments, but for now enjoy my three favorite Chef offerings, followed by two of my own:

Hey, New York Yankees.
You might want to consider
getting some pitching.

We left our jock straps
Down in last place. Could you please
mail them to us? Thanks.

Is that what I think?
That spot next to the bullpen…
Submissive piddle.

And here are my crappy efforts….

Five, Seven, Five? Ha!
The Yanks scored One, Two, One, Two
To Lose Three of Four.

The first run came down
Seven-oh. And the last two came
Down Five-oh. Uh-oh.

Is it any wonder Red Sox fans are now torn between who to root against — the Yankees or the genuinely better Devil Rays.

*You remember Jeff The Chef, right? The dude who cooked up pictures and eyewitness testimony of the opening night fight at The Trop and pictures of Raymond’s camel toe.

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20 Responses to “Devil Rays Haiku Contest”
  1. Dirty Water says:

    A long time futile
    will not be erased in one,
    Better than Yankees

  2. Hey New York Yankees
    How do you like them apples?
    Enjoy the basement

  3. Adam C says:

    At this pace
    in twelve years
    the worst team ever
    will be at five hundred.

  4. Adam C says:

    Rays fans talk shit.
    Apparently do not
    know what month it is.
    Boring.

  5. Atg says:

    All these dumb posts
    will be great fun when
    TB sucks again

  6. WillieMo says:

    Tampa lost the Devil
    Rays now sit alone in first
    Boston, New York, Hah!

  7. Dirty Water says:

    Pena, Hinske, Perc
    Hades misfits, all
    Is everyone else wrong?

  8. Adam C says:

    Even in first
    fans a no show.
    Rays still Rays
    in Portland or Charlotte?

  9. Mark Twain says:

    this one is for Adam C and ATG

    Haikus are 5-7-5
    Typical stupid Yankees
    Can’t count syllables

  10. Adam C says:

    Anyone calling out
    someone else’s failed attempt
    at a haiku on a sports blog
    is more gay than the failure

    Mine are still better,
    jackass of all jackasses,
    you and the rays suck.

  11. Dirty Water says:

    JFC, reading about TB is like reading about the Yanks preseason, except the Rays don’t have 50 gazillion dollars to spend on a new DH.

    Boston, Toronto
    the others make waves, no meat
    Yanks, Rays suck. Cowboy up

  12. Erik Hahmann says:

    I liked this contest
    when it was on my site first
    don’t take my ideas

  13. Adam C says:

    See Mr. Clemens, even a jackass who stole the idea from someone else, who then gets mad at Chalk for stealing it from him (according to the jackass), doesn’t even know the rules. Honestly I didn’t pay attention in class enough to know the rules, and I apparently didn’t take Chalk’s cue either.

    So screw you, the Rays, and the jackass who “owns” the idea of having a little fun with haiku.

    I won’t admit to this very often, but good work on this one Chalk, regardless of where you got the idea. It’s just too bad more Rays fans didn’t chime in. Or was that all of them?

  14. Dirty Water says:

    I’m with B&C on this one. Who is this Erik Hahmann douchebag who claims he invented the hiaku? He sounds a bit too Gore-ish, if you ask me.

    Erik H invents
    but I have seen it before
    What will he claim next

  15. Erik Hahmann says:

    I did Rays Haiku
    before anyone here did
    think outside of box

  16. meechaiku says:

    Chalk, how dare you “steal”
    something common like Haiku
    TRADEMARK RAYS SONNETS!

    or,

    Sensitive bloggers
    like Erik Hahmann need to
    not be sensitive

  17. David Chalk David Chalk says:

    Mr. Hahmann of the MVN Rays site did in fact do a great post with haikus dedicated to many individual Devil Rays back in March. It’s worth revisiting:

    http://mvn.com/mlb-rays/2008/0.....in-motion/

    Now that he’s kindly reminded me of it, I do remember seeing it, probably from Rays Index. However, I didn’t think about that when I posted this on Friday. Any “copying” was unintentional, as I was primarily copying my buddy Jeff the Chef.

    Differences I would note are that while Mr. Hahmann did invite readers to offer their own haikus in his comments, he did not actually ever refer to it as a contest.

    Also, while each of our beloved Devil Rays is certainly worthy of being immortalized in verse, the haiku form is traditionally used to capture brief moments in time, not individuals. So the argument could be made that the haiku Jeff and I penned are closer to true haiku.

    Still, absolutely no offense or theft of ideas was intended — I’ve started checking out the MVN site a lot more once they switched from Rays Anatomy to Outs Per Swing, and I have a lot of respect for what Mr. Hahmann and the rest of the crew do over there.

  18. Tommy R says:

    David, Thank you for the kind words, Bugs & Cranks is one of the site I check daily and I agree what the fuck in a Tampa Bay Storm.

  19. Erik Hahmann says:

    Thanks David, I didn’t mean to sound like a dick or anything. You do good work, keep it up.

  20. Alan Hull says:

    After countless picks
    In the top of the first round,
    A team worth watching.

    Unlikely heroes
    Are why the Rays are on top–
    Andy Sonnanstine.

    Tampa’s great and all.
    Boston will prob’ly win it.
    Shoot for 80 wins.

    Remember Adam,
    Haikus are 5-7-5.
    Third grade English class.

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