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November 3, 2008 at 7:40 am ET
Devil Rays Mail Bag

New feature! To get us through the long cold discontentful winter, I thought I’d respond to some questions and comments from my loyal fans.

Jomo writes:

David Chalk is a complete and total piece of shit. And now he’s eating a lot of it.

Already wants to talk 2009. You are a bag of sour assholes Chalk.

The 2008 baseball season is over. Why wouldn’t I then — as a baseball writer and fan — want to talk about 2009? If that makes a person “a bag of sour assholes,” then this site is full of bags of sour assholes.

bcapp writes:

Chalk has single-handedly ruined B&C with all his loser Devil Ray posts.

I don’t understand this comment. I have never once written a post about the Devil Rays being losers, as I always stick strictly to facts and leave the opinionizing to others.

Saint writes:

Where is the MY TEAM AIN’T S@#$: TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS headline?

Or did I miss that one.

Fasten your seatbelt, Mr. Chalk, for what’s next: Colorado Rockies ‘08. Yup, overachievers get overpaid and overhyped and end up totally wrecking what should be a grand follow-up to the first World Series appearance in their history. You’ll wish they never made it to the finals. Just watch the Rockies next year … and the Devil Rays in 2010. Meanwhile, it ain’t life-and-death, dude.

As a wise young man once said: “Settle down, Beavis!”

File it under: Dynasty Delayed.

First, I think that would be a silly headline because, as any neutral, objective observer could tell you, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays remain the shit. A bad postseason loss like this might set off a millennium of failure for a lesser time like the Yankees, but as you say at the end the Devil Rays dynasty has merely been delayed a year. I agree with you 100% that this is by no means the end of the world, and that there are many, many world titles in the Devil Rays future. But I don’t understand what you’re trying to imply about the Rockies. That team last year sucked. They had absolutely no talent and merely feasted on weak NL West opponents. They also made no attempt to get better. Certainly, the Devil Rays need to be cautious about falling into a similar trap that Colorado and Cleveland did last year — hoping like hell their bullpens could keep up the ridiculous pace they had in ’07. I also want to see our Devil Rays add the best type of veteran leadership — starting with a true champion, the Greatest Player On Planet Earth Barry Bonds.

Jeff writes:

So what’s the over/under on how long Chalk will be under his rock?

Looks like you weren’t so right after all, Chalk. I expect an apology to all of the B&C readers.

I said I’d probably be back on Monday and here I am. I’ve actually enjoyed the time off and had a lovely weekend. As for the apology, I mentioned in the post you commented on that “the only things I’ve ever really been wrong about on this goddamned website i s when I predict ill fortune upon the Phillies.” I then went on to give examples of all the shit I talked about them. That’s as close to an apology as you get. But I am also willing to make this pledge to Jeff and the rest of my loyal readers, I promise I will never ever be wrong again.

coops2001 writes:

Chalk – the worst team of the millenium [the epically pathetic New York Yankees] had a .611 winning percent against the Devil Rays this year, so that must make the Devil Rays pathetically horrible.

The Yankees got lucky and took a few meaningless regular season games from us. Those few wins against the American League Champion Devil Rays are the highlight of the Yankees season — and all it took was a payroll that was five times the Devil Rays payroll. This is funny, but does not make the Devil Rays pathetically horrible. It is however, a slightly better argument than that Yankees fans should be bragging about the postseason success of Scranton-Wilkes Barre.

Adam C writes:

Chalk, don’t forget what’s important here – your theories. The result of one of your theories is that the Devil Rays were no better in 2008 than the last ten years – last place. Unfortunately for baseball fans, the Devil Rays played in the World Series looking like those teams from the previous ten years. Hell, the Mariners could have won more than one effin game.

The first ten Devil Rays teams were good teams. This year’s team finished the same as last year — in a 28-way tie for 2nd best, behind only the Phillies and ahead of only the Yankees. I would argue that the 2006 Devil Rays might be the best Devil Rays team of all time, as there was no real champion that year and thus no team was truly better than they were. I would also contend that it is too early to be sure where this 2008 Devil Ray team will rank in franchise history, but they still have a chance to be the best of the first eleven years. Certainly the most important way to evaluate a team is if it accomplished the only real goal of a baseball team: a world title. The second most important criteria though is how well the team set itself up to win a title the next season and beyond.

WS Champs 08 writes:

Wow…not such a joke anymore. [referring to the Phillies?] I hope all the doubters finally get off our backs.

It’s a huge accomplishment …. by Philadelphia standards.

Mike writes:

Chalk, your salty tears sustain me. You are one of the biggest assholes I’ve ever seen, and I’m from Philly, so I know a lot of assholes. You got your just fruits for all the shit that rolls out of your mouth… you made your bed, now lie in it. How “cute and non-threatening” are we now, jerkoff?

It’s even better that you are still so butthurt that you have to resort to acting fake drunk and rambling about how shitty the Phillies are. So let me ask you something, if the Phillies are so shitty, what does that make the Devil Rays?

I still think the Phillies are cute and non-threatening, and that the Devil Rays are the shit. I think the Devil Rays have at least as good a chance of winning multiple world titles as the Phillies do. But the Phillies have shocked me in the past, and certainly deserve to be commended for sustaining a pretty good lucky streak for the last six weeks or so. They made the best of their opportunities and beat a team that was far more talented than them. By Philadelphia standards, a world title is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “Anyone — Literally Anyone — Can Do It Once.” And one last thing, I would never fake being drunk — I don’t why I have to keep saying this over and over again, but I am all about giving you the readers nothing but honesty and truth.

If you’d like your comment or question to be included in future mail bags, drop something in the comments or use the B&C contact form.

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7 Responses to “Devil Rays Mail Bag”
  1. Jomo says:

    You’re a dumbass Chalk. When I made my comment about already wanting to talk 2009, the season was NOT officially over. Your Rays were down 3-1 going in to game 5.

    So maybe in your mind you had already surrendered and conceded to the Phils but the season was not over.

    Just another example of how you spin and manipulate statistic and fact to make the Rays sound like something they are not.

  2. Jeff says:

    No matter how much I want to hate you, Chalk, sometimes you actually make me laugh. This is one of those times.

  3. cg says:

    Haha. Alot broke for the Phils, that Rays squad saved all their errors and slumps for the series, too bad cause they were the better team. Well, the good news for Phils fans is that they can now boast as many titles as the illustrious Miami Marlins.

  4. cg says:

    Oh, and I’m just bitter… funny article though.

  5. David Chalk David Chalk says:

    Jomo — I’d hate to sound like a bag of sour assholes, but the time stamp on your comment indicated it was in fact made after the season ended. And it was placed on my post-WS post:


  6. PTownFan says:

    C’mon Chalk. Tell us how you REALLY feel…

  7. Mike says:

    Hey look, I’m a B&C celebrity now! Woohoo!

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