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June 26, 2008 at 1:00 am ET
3 Comments
Do We Like Andy Sonnanstine’s Beard?

I can’t decide if I like Andy Sonnanstine’s beard — a pretty hot topic in Devil Rays Town these days.

Before:

After:

Jessica of Her Rays has been calling for Sonny to shave since the end of May. Professor Gaines led off his June 7 Hangover recap with “THE BAD: Andy Sonnanstine’s beard.”

On the other side, Sara of The Universe Is Shaped Exactly Like The Earth thinks the beard is the hottest thing since Modest Mouse:

daaaaaaaamnnnn, Sonnanstine. Looking good. Looking F**KING good.

He sorta looks like a hot version of Steve Carrell in Little Miss Sunshine.

I know the beards lately are in support of Rocco and I hope like hell that he’ll be able to come play with the big boys again soon, but I like that his hardship has caused the Devil Rays to casually misplace all of their razors.

Maybe she’s a little biased though, because back in April she ranked the 20 hottest Devil Rays, and had Sonny at #3, behind only Longoria and Kazmir.

Now, I like Rocco as much as the next guy — well, unless the next guy is Lloyd The Barber — but I’m a little torn here.

As I often do with such matters, I ventured outside Devil Ray Town to get the opinion of B&C’s resident Hottie expert, Ms. Andrea Reiher, J.D. — Here’s her take:

Scruff: thumbs up Full Beard: thumbs down

Scruff is hot. It makes a guy look a little devil-may-care and it also tells you he’s enough of a man that he can grow scruff. He’s an Alpha male who won’t care if he pops off a few buttons as he rips off your blouse and tosses it over a chairback.

The full beard, particularly on our friend Andy, makes him look like he possibly raised a barn over the weekend. Very few men can carry off the full beard and younger guys almost never can.

Rock the scruff, fellas. But leave the full beards to your grandpas and Dumbledore.

Well, that’s it, I’m shaving tomorrow.

But I’m still not sure if I want Andy too.

So he looks a little Amish. Beards are good in many ways. They make you think of playoffs. And the Yankees aren’t allowed to have them, so there’s a certain beauty and purity there.

But after a record-breaking April, Sonny hasn’t been pitching nearly as well since mid-May. In his last five outings, he’s 2-0 and our Devil Rays have won all five of those contests. But he hasn’t finished the 6th inning in any of his last 6 starts. Could the beard be leading to more fatigue and less control?

I think I’m going to reserve judgement for now, but, as always, I am curious to hear what our readers think about this important issue.

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3 Responses to “Do We Like Andy Sonnanstine’s Beard?”
  1. Since he’s growing it in support of Rocco, I will support Sonny’s beard. It needs to be a little more Richie Tenenbaum, a little less Rick Aguilera.

  2. Jessica says:

    “Beards are good in many ways. They make you think of playoffs.”

    Hockey playoffs maybe.

  3. J Rose says:

    I just saw Rocco yesterday, and his shit makes him look like the Unabomber. At least Sonny’s is somewhat dignified looking.

    But great points by Andrea – long beards on young guys just make them look old and/or creepy. And thanks to that deliciously descriptive part about scruff I’ve decided not to shave for a couple of days!

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