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March 19, 2009 at 9:35 pm ET
Evan Longoria To Save Team USA. World Excited.

As you may have heard certain supposed MVP-caliber Red Sox who had no business representing Team USA have predictably quit on the tournament because of minor vaginal injuries. Same with Chipper Jones.

But there is still hope for America. Unanimous 2008 AL Rookie Of The Year Evan Longoria is coming to the rescue, joining the team for this weekend’s semifinal in Dodger Stadium.

This is great news not just for America and Devil Ray Town, but for THE WORLD.

How excited is THE WORLD?

Well if the Twitter of M. Jeff “Glo” Blair, General sports columnist, CANADA’s National Newspaper is any F’in indication, PRETTY F’IN EXCITED.

M. Blair has been in Florida covering the Blue Jays pretend games this spring:

After a couple of weeks down here, I don’t like Obama’s chances of cleaning up this mess! Not at all!

But even M. Blair is creaming his whatever-type-pants-they-wear-in-Canada (sans-culottes?) over E-Love’s late entry into the tournament:

Evan Longoria just agreed to replace Chipper Jones on Team USA for the WBC! That’s huge! That’s a lift for the tourney’s rep! Longoria’s the bomb! He just is!

Imagine how psyched THE WORLD would be if we could just get rid of Jeter (herpes flare-up?) and replace him with MVP Jason Bartlett….


In other world news, Lloyd The Barber feels Canadians have been downright bigoted in their recent treatment of Chipper “White Devil Larry” Jones.

And John McDonald’s Cabinet found a pretty sweet blog by a Canadian-born pitcher on the Dutch WBC team who feels Venezuelan fans are the worst fans outside of Philly.

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4 Responses to “Evan Longoria To Save Team USA. World Excited.”
  1. Maury Brown says:

    David, you write the funniest stuff, and I mean that as a compliment. A no bigger homer the world has ever seen. Keep up the good work.

  2. meech.one says:

    For our country’s sake, I hope he does better than he did in the World Series.

  3. A Drunk Jay Fan says:

    Captain America could have also saved Team USA.
    That is if Derek Jeter manned up and played first base instead of now having Jimmy Rollins DH.

    And when I say saved Team USA, I mean that they are going to lose to Japan. Hey what’s up with the Blue Jay blogrolling? Is Vernon Wells coming to save Team USA?

  4. Thanks for the mention!

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