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September 24, 2008 at 2:35 pm ET
First Devil Rays October: Ceremonial First Pitch Should Be Thrown By….

Deadspin, SportsbyBrooks, The Washington Post — they’re all clamoring to know WHO will throw out the ceremonial first pitch at the first ever postseason game at historic Tropicana Field next week.

We here at Bugs & Cranks have narrowed the list down to 5 extremely worthy candidates….

5. Dick Vitale, Basketball Hall-of-Famer and longtime Devil Rays season-ticket holder

4. Eva Longoria, hot actress and sister of Devil Rays third baseman Evan Longoria

3. Mr. T, sports mohawk pioneer and Muppet fan

2. Hulk Hogan, world champion, native Tampan and goes to a lot of Devil Rays games

But the best choice of all would be another longtime Tampa resident and baseball afficianado….

The Final Countdown

Theme music: Final Countdown (A Cappella)

1. George Steinbrenner

I think this would be a very nice gesture to a man for whom there may truly be only one October (left).


Honorable mentions: Natalie Portman, Fred McGriff, or go for what Boston did last year with Millar and bring back Aubrey Huff.

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21 Responses to “First Devil Rays October: Ceremonial First Pitch Should Be Thrown By….”
  1. hahahahahhaaha

    I don’t lolz at blog posts very often. I lolz’d here.

  2. Al Davis colostomy bag says:

    Great choice,although in the shape he is in with his mouth hanging open all the time.Better have an athletic catcher with some good lateral movement to catch it.

  3. Adam C says:

    They should draw one name out of a hat that has in it the name of every fan in attendance. For the price of those tickets, you can’t beat 1 in 5 odds of becoming the first pitch thrower outer.

    And if The Boss really is still alive, I’m pretty sure he’s content knowing that he’ll die with 6 World Series rings more than the Rays will ever obtain.

  4. FrankDiscussion says:

    I see proper spelling isn’t your strong suit either, Chalk…

    It’s “Aficionado”. Clearly six syllable words are beyond your grasp. Stick with two syllable words like walkup and mohawk. Here’s another one so you enrich your vocabulary. Moron.

    Really funny making fun of Steinbrenner’s medical condition, really classy.

  5. Tommy says:

    I did my own list and I still feel Juan Guzman owes us at least one more pitch.

  6. Eric says:

    I’m with Frank on this one. Classy. I’ve been reading your every so often ignorant posts about theses Rays this season and I can’t help but laugh. Many of your articles sole purposes seem to be to find any means possible to rip on the Yankees this season. I mean, you really dubbed the Yankees as the worst team of the millennium. Why? Is it because the Yankees won the world series in 2000? Or the World Series appearances in 2001 (dubbed greatest world series ever) and 2003? or the fact that the Yankees haven’t missed October baseball until this year? I seriously congratulate the Rays and their fans for finally getting taste of the postseason this year. Keep in mind, they haven’t played a playoff game yet and as far as ranking teams of the millennium: the Rays are right with the Royals, Orioles, and the goddamn Pirates for crying out loud. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt of their playoff clinching season this year and not rank them dead last, but one 70 win season from 2000-2007 is utterly pathetic. The rays must have finished dead last in the majors at least 5 out of those 7 years. I don’t need to tell Rays fans this. Enjoy the glory while it lasts and keep taking cheap shots at the Yankees and Steinbrenner. Classy Chalk should be your new name.

  7. David Chalk David Chalk says:

    FD – the extra F in afficianado was intentional, it stands for Failure. In literature, we call that foreshadowing.
    However, I in no way meant to mock Mr. Steinbrenner’s medical condition. He was well enough to be carted around at this year’s All-Star Game and he truly is a deserving candidate based on his philanthropy, particularly in the Tampa Bay area.

  8. Jeff says:

    So you are foreshadowing the Rays failure this post-season?

  9. Marissa says:

    Excellent a capella.

  10. Jeff says:

    Frank Morsani would be an interesting choice. Read up on the guy to get an understanding of why. Unfortunately MLB would probably pressure the Rays to ignore the thought.

  11. FrankDiscussion says:

    Foreshadowing is where a writer drops subtle hints about plot developments to come later in the story. How adding an extra letter constitutes this is beyond me.

    Try again later, Chalk.

  12. coops2001 says:

    Ceremonial First Pitch Should Be Thrown By….the first Rays fan that shows up. Might push the start time back a few hours while we wait…..

  13. Anarchist Accountant says:

    Well, since the first two games are sold out, looks like Adam’s and Coops’ tired, cliched bullshit has just become a shitpie full of bitterness…

    LOL on the Juan Guzman comment. Oh, and Eric….duck….

    Steinbrenner is not an appropriate choice, as the Rays have tried to shy away from having the criminal element involved with the team. I’m sure Frank might appreciate it, but we might as well dig up Alger Hiss or Bebe Rabozo.

    Here are a few more suggestions:

    1. Local TV Sports Guy Rock Reilly — for those who don’t know him, just the fact that the Rays are here and the maggots from Gothem aren’t pisses him off.

    2. If you are going to go the professional wrestling route, Brian Knobs (Nasty Boys) is a much bigger fan than Hogan and much more deserving

    3. Have former owner Vince Naimoli stand on the mound and let every fan through a baseball at him.

  14. Jeff says:


    You do realize that scalpers and brokers probably bought 20-30 percent of the tickets, don’t you? This is typical for any MLB post season game. Now, I’m not saying that the game isn’t sold out, and I’m definitely not bitter….it is great that the game is sold out (great for the Rays, Tampa, and baseball), that’s the way it should be. I am saying that, just because the tickets are gone, it doesn’t mean that they were sold to fans only. In other words the sell out does not necessarily mean that the stadium will be SRO. Hopefully it is, but not necessarily.

  15. Adam C says:

    “The Rays, who rank 12th among the 14 American League teams in home attendance with a 22,370-per game average…”

    AA, the truth is in the numbers, so I guess that makes you the bitter one. I actually hope the Rays beat the Red Sox in the playoffs, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make fun of the fact that they can’t draw a crowd despite their success this year. It’s really sad, and it’s no wonder you’re bitter.

    They only averaged 7,000 empty seats in their home games in September, so things are looking better already.

  16. coops2001 says:

    In fairness to the Rays fans, atendance from Jul to Sep at Trop has increased from 51% to 54% to 68%, nearly reaching 70% for the Minn series. Minn’s attendance % is only 57.3% YTD, so I doubt the 70% for that series were mostly Twins Fans.

  17. FrankDiscussion says:

    AA, how about G. Gordon Liddy ? He’s still around.

  18. Anarchist Accountant says:

    Not bad, Frank. Maybe Liddy can toss a rat instead of a baseball…

  19. FrankDiscussion says:

    Sounds pretty appropriate for Liddy. Better watch him though, he might start firing his pistol up at the dome.

  20. Jess says:

    FYI: Evan and Eva…NOT related.

    Higgins does the honor justice in my book!

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