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May 26, 2009 at 1:16 am ET
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Michael Kay’s The Yankee Way: Annotated Edition

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Michael Kay of the YES Network is a pretty piss-poor baseball announcer, but good lord can that man tweet.

This past Friday, Kay apparently had some sort of breakdown and tried to get himself fired on the twitter. Either that or he was overly confident that no one looks at twitter over Memorial Day weekend. Late Friday night, Kay tried to backpedal and save his ass and maybe it will work, but I’m not fooled.

As a public service, I’ve taken Kay’s groundbreaking series “The Yankee Way” and added annotations. Enjoy.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 1 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” Tonight, we’ll focus on screaming at infielders while they catch a pop fly.

See Alex Rodriguez in Toronto, May 2007. Also, Kay begins every tweet with “Hey fans!”

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 2 of my series “The Yankee Way.” We’ll show Jeter blowing off a Ken Huckaby apology after a collision in Toronto!

From CBS via the SOSH wiki:

the Toronto catcher who landed on Derek Jeter in an unusual play at third base on opening day [2003]. Jeter separated his shoulder, …. before the final game of that series in Toronto, Huckaby took a deep breath and made the awkward walk from the home clubhouse down to Skydome’s visitors clubhouse.

Huckaby shook Jeter’s hand, and then he said his piece.

“I said, ‘I hope you’re all right. I didn’t know where the base was when I was looking for the throw,'” Huckaby says. “I told him, ‘It wasn’t on purpose….

Jeter’s reaction?

“He stonefaced me,” Huckaby says. “He just stared at me.

Classy.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 3 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We highlight outfielder Luis Polonia having sex with a 15-year-old girl.

August 1989. Polonia pled no contest to a misdemeanor and served 60 days in jail. Polonia also made OnMilwaukee.com’s list of Milwaukee’s Most Notorious Sex Scandals.  The incident took place at the Pfister Hotel in Milwaukee. (Foreshadowing, the Pfister will reappear in Part 12.)

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 4 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll examine how Joe DiMaggio beat the shit out of Marilyn Monroe.

Something something hitting streak….

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 5 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll re-live that time I compared the Holocaust to talking about a no-hitter!

With quotes like “Don’t tell me it’s baseball etiquette. It used to be etiquette to have black people as slaves. … There’s a lot of rules that don’t make sense. That’s why there was Nazi Germany. Why did they march people into ovens?” Amazing audio on Deadspin, transcript on WasWatching, and The Kay Paradox on FireJoeMorgan.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 6 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll talk to David Wells about the time his drunk ass got beat in a diner.

In 2002. The diner was Gracie’s Corner on the Upper East Side — a block away from Mustang Grill where A-Rod was making out with Kate Hudson last week.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 7 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll chat with Ruben Rivera about the time he stole Derek Jeter’s glove.

Also in 2002. Rivera, cousin of closer Mariano Rivera, was cut by the Yankees for allegedly stealing a bat and glove from Jeter’s locker and selling them. Rivera had also been Jeter’s rookie league teammate 10 years earlier.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 8 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll find out what sort of booze Mickey Mantle drank before screwing hookers.

Read Mickey Mantle in his own words about his alcoholism. And he did love the hookers.

notsogreat-take-my-wife_petersonHey fans! Tune in for Part 9 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll delve into how the Yankees made swapping wives awesome and cool!

It hasn’t always been cool? Espn.com’s Page 2 named the 1973 wife-swapping of Yankee pitchers Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson the #6 most shocking moment in baseball history. More details here. Or here.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 10 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll discuss how only three teams waited longer to sign a black ballplayer.

Elston Howard became the first African-American Yankee in 1955.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 11 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll watch Jeff Nelson and Karim Garcia beat up a Fenway groundskeeper.

Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS.  Both Nelson and Garcia were charged with assault and battery. Both later agreed to probation in a plea deal.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 12 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll read aloud from the sexual assault complaint filed against Mark Whiten.

Arrested in 1997, four days after his wife gave birth to his second child, for the second-degree assault of a 31-year-old Wisconsin woman at Milwaukee’s Pfister Hotel (see Luis Polonia in 1989, Part 3).  Yankees owner George Steinbrenner was already pissed that Whiten had gone to a Texas strip club with Doc Gooden in May 2001.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 13 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll go back to 1938 and talk about this guy. http://bit.ly/188D8x

See Kay’s link above, in 1938 Yankee Jake Powell became the first MLB player to be suspended for publicly using a racial slur. Powell told a radio interviewer that to stay in shape in the offseason “he cracked blacks over the head with his nightstick.”

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 14 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll ask Kiefer Sutherland and Woody Harrelson…wait, never mind. Wrong Way.

An irreverent reference to the 1994 film The Cowboy Way.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 14 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll watch Joba’s DUI video where he makes fun of the people of New York.

Watch the video on The Smoking Gun.  Kay also couldn’t work Joba Chamberlain’s crack about Yogi Berra into 140 characters: “No bullshit, he might not be as tall as the front of your car.”

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 15 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll highlight the 55,000 pornographic films in Hideki Matsui’s collection.

Revealed in a 2003 Asia edition of Time Magazine. Details and amazing photoshop here.

Hey fans! Don’t forget to watch The Yankee Way profile on Hideki Matsui. How does a man with that much porn lose his stroke? OH WHAT A JOKE!

Nice followup.

Hey fans! Tune in for Part 16 of my series, “The Yankee Way.” We’ll look at how Steve Howe was suspended from baseball for life for drugs.

In 1992. More on Gunaxin.

Thus ends Michael Kay’s The Yankee Way.

But we do have one last bonus tweet for you:

Hey fans! Bruised right knee for Joba! Rookie mistake. I avoid bruises when slobbering on Cone and O’Neill by wearing knee pads! WHO BUT!

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3 Responses to “Michael Kay’s The Yankee Way: Annotated Edition”
  1. dude abides says:

    What, are you now covering the Yankees? It must have the the Indian’s win against the Rays after spotting the Rays 10 runs that drove you to this. Guess it’s safe to say that no one from this year’s Rays bullpen will be making your list of Top 177 Devil Rays Ever. Or given the list so far, maybe they will…

  2. MIchael Kay says:

    @sweetcarolynne Hey fan! I AM NOT THE REAL FUCKING MICHAEL KAY! JESUS CHRIST! HOW IS THAT NOT APPARENT!? WHO BUT WB MASON!
    7:29 PM May 22nd from web in reply to sweetcarolynne

  3. Dirty Water says:

    O. My. Gawd.

    You should win a Pulitzer for this one, Chalk.

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