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February 17, 2009 at 8:08 am ET
The Phillies Aren’t On Wheaties Boxes Because….

Last week, there was a lot of chatter in Phillies land about why their team hasn’t been honored with a Wheaties box like past World Series winners.

There’s an obvious explanation here. There has after all been other sports cereal news.

Remember 2008 Sportsman Of The Year* Michael Phelps. Kellogs dropped him as a sponsor. Why’d they do that? BECAUSE HE GOT CAUGHT USING DRUGS.

Sounds kinda familiar. Wasn’t Phillies reliever J.C. Romero CAUGHT USING DRUGS? And somehow still allowed to play in the postseason (7.2 scoreless innings, 2-0 in the WS) because of some bullshit appeals shenanigans?

Guess that clears it up: the Phillies aren’t going to be honored on the boxes of the Breakfast of Champions BECAUSE THEY AREN’T FUCKING CHAMPIONS. Cheaters don’t sell cereal.

I’m surprised no one else figured that out.

MLB might not have any standards, but THANK CHRIST General Mills does.

Also thanks to Home Run Derby for the image (well, I added the asterisk, not sure how they left that out).

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14 Responses to “The Phillies Aren’t On Wheaties Boxes Because….”
  1. meech.one says:

    Chalk, the cheaters got fitted for their rings yesterday.

    But I did hear that the American League Champs trophy will be displayed all season long at the Trop. That’s something to look forward to!

  2. Mike says:

    Wow, your just…Dumb? Try looking into the entire story of it and if you and the 10 other Ray’s fans still have a problem with it you can send all protests to the league.

  3. Gaze says:

    Wheaties taste like cardboard anyway… The World Champion Phillies only endorse products fit for human consumption like Tastecakes and Turkey Hill Ice Cream.

  4. Isn’t this coming from the same writer that desperately pleaded for the Rays to get the G-POPE?
    /drugs are delicious

  5. Chad says:

    I suppose that’s better than using steroids and finishing last every year. Right Wilson Alvarez, Dave Martinez and Tony Saunders?

  6. Chad says:

    oops, I forgot Alex Sanchez and Juan Salas. Sorry.

  7. David Chalk David Chalk says:

    The G-POPE is The G-POPE because IF he ever did any drugs, he was never dumb enough to get caught.
    And at least Juan Salas took his suspension like a man.

  8. Gaze says:

    Chad > Chalk.
    5 cheaters is more than 1 by my count.

  9. David Chalk David Chalk says:

    Gaze, perhaps this escaped your notice, but Alvarez, Martinez, Saunders, Sanchez and Salas didn’t play in the 2008 World Series or fail two drug tests in the 2008 regular season that should have kept them out of the 2008 postseason — only JC Romero did.

  10. Chad says:

    Yeah Chalk, it was Romero’s 4 2/3 innings of work in the entire WS that prevented the Rays from winning.

  11. Chalk says:

    He pitched in the last three games and was the winning pitcher in two of them. All those games should be forfeited.

  12. Chad says:

    Wow, really? Your points are becoming less valid with each response you write.
    You can argue until you’re blue in the face, Chalk, but the Phillies were the better team in that series, “no questions asked”. The Rays were good in 2008, but not “World Fucking Champions” good.

  13. You're a Fucking Idiot says:

    Get a clue what you’re talking about. Phils handed the Rays their ass in the Series. The Rays were, and still are, no where near as good as the Phillies. Maybe you shouldn’t try and blame JC but those two choke-artists you have batting 3rd and 4th (Mrs Longoria and Pena) GET A FUCKING CLUE. Hope you enjoyed your one year of fun, enjoy 3rd place.

  14. pat the bat says:

    pat burrell. do it.

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