Bugs & Cranks Home
Bugs & Cranks
September 10, 2008 at 12:04 am ET
2 Comments
We Came

What up, Rosie and Dirty? Bet y’all were feeling pretty darn confident when Bay cleared the Monster to put y’all up 4-3 in the 8th, weren’t cha now?

But, surprise, surprise, our beloved Tampa Bay Devil Rays will leave Boston tomorrow exactly the way they came in, and as they have been for the entire second half, firmly atop your American League East standings.

How appropriate that the final out was made by that little bitch Coco “Chanel” Crisp.

And how fitting that the loss and the blown save goes to your closer whose mouth writes checks his ass can’t cash.

So what are we chalking up Pap’s blown save and loss to? Pitching three days in a row? Was it dumb for Francona to bring him in in the 8th last night? Or was it Ortiz and Pedroia showing the media the video of their closer IN DRAG before the game? Can you get pissed at him for blowing a save? He’s just a Barbie Girl in a Barbie world!

What we learned tonight was that these two teams will very likely meet again when it really counts in the ALCS. And our Devil Rays can win at Fenway Park, and no one in the Red Sox bullpen can get the job done against our hellish offense.

I had a good feeling once we had the bases loaded in the 3rd inning with nobody out. Because our bats and our whole fucking team was due. Very, very due.

Our fearless leader, “Coach Joe” Maddon — who’s a million fucking times better and cooler than that Tito Francona — said something after the previous night’s loss, and it really felt true — our Devil Rays had been playing well, they just hadn’t been hitting, and prophetically he said, “that will come.” Practically right out of Hamlet, that:

There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all. (V.ii.208-211)

Fucking came it did. Boy did it come. It came all over your Barbie Girl closer.

We were due. Our Devil Rays are an unstoppable force. Once it’s coming, you can’t stop it. And it’s practically always coming, like a white-hot volcano of coming.

You can doubt us if you wish, but you will be rolled over and you will have white, egg-like stuff all over your face, because we are fucking unstoppable, so you might as well be ready for our coming.

Because come we shall.

Our Devil Rays will make the playoffs, we may not win the division and we’ll be slightly less scary without home-field advantage, but we will be scary nonetheless. You might get lucky and run into us when our bats dry up, but chances are, we’ll be healthy again and we’ll fuck you up good. And again, you will be left wiping wet, salty stuff off your face.

Certainly Papi only came in as a pinch-hitter today, but our Devil Rays were without three of our best four hitters. And we still got it done.

I had a good feeling about Dan Johnson in his first game as a Devil Ray when I saw he was in the lineup. All he did was lead off the 9th by tying the game going yard on Cinco Ocho/Senorita Barbie. And then that other kid, Fernando Perez, who’s been up for a week or less doubled off the Monster.

There is a magic, very possibly a dark magic, that is propelling anyone in a Devil Rays uniform to greatness.

Join us, or be afraid, be very fucking afraid. And have a towel handy to wipe your face.

And if anybody’s worth a curse it’s that Jason Bay character. That dude ain’t a real Red Sock, there’s got to be a taint in being the guy that replaces Manny. Have fun rooting for him and Kotsay and Byrd and the rest of these rent-a-Sox. Maybe you’ll win, but maybe you won’t. And maybe you’ll need that towel.

We won’t know until we very likely meet in the ALCS. I don’t see the Angels and their three-week layoff, or whoever comes out of the Central stopping either of us.

Sweet dreams, motherfuckers. See you next month.

19 = Regular Season Games Remaining for our beloved Tampa Bay Devil Rays. (7 Home, 12 Away)

18 = Magic Number For Our First AL East Championship (1.5 game lead on Boston; 12 Home, 6 Away)

11 = Magic Number to clinch Our First Trip To The Postseason (virtual 9 game lead in the loss column since Minnesota and Chicago play three more times, the AL Central #2 is guaranteed 66 losses; CWS: 8H/10A MIN: 8H/10A)

Read more: , ,
Print  |  Email  |  Share/Save
2 Responses to “We Came”
  1. Steve says:

    Is this a joke? I’m not real familiar with the site– is the author of this serious? If so, good lord…….

  2. Saint says:

    He’s been watching the Devil Rays for years. That’ll melt a brain. And he knows, obviously, that the load is shot. This is sort of like Beavis as “Cornholio”: “Are You Threatening Me?”

Leave a Reply

Our Sponsors
Vividseats.com is your premier internet destination for all MLB Baseball Tickets, such as Phillies Tickets, Cubs Tickets, LA Dodgers Tickets, Pirates Tickets, Marlins Tickets, and many more.
SecureYourSeat.com are able to provide you with a great selection of Premier League tickets including Arsenal tickets, Manchester United tickets, Liverpool tickets and Chelsea tickets. We also stock a fine selection of Champions League tickets including Champions League final tickets.
Best online sports betting bonuses and promotions at Sportsbetting.com. Join now the most secure online sportsbook!
For a selection of online slots games and casino reviews visit Online Slots Entertainment, a leader in online slot machines since 2003.
AllianceTickets.com carries all MLB Tickets including Colorado Rockies Tickets, Seattle Mariners Tickets and San Francisco Giants Tickets. They carry all Sports Tickets at discount prices.
With Texas Holdem Masters you can get information about the hottest trends in the popular Texas Holdem Poker game, with strategies and tricks so that you can be a master too. At Gambling Experts your poker skills will be upgraded from being an amateur to being an expert.

windows 7 key

windows 7 key

serial winzip 11

serial winzip 11 key

serial corel draw 11

serial corel draw 11 serials

photo shop key

photo shop key

free corel photoshop download

free corel photoshop download keygen

adobe free

adobe free

winrar password cracker serial

wirar password cracker

winrar 3 download

winrar 3 download freedownload

office 2010 professional key

office 2010 key

download photo shop free

photo shop serial

free winrar download for xp

download winrar for xp for free

cs5 serialz

cs5 serialz free

windows 7 free

windows 7 crack

free corel downloads

free corel downloads cracked

office 2010 free

office 2010 key

key office 2010

office 2010 key

photoshop key

photoshop key

windows key

windows key

corel dvd moviefactory 6

corel dvd moviefactory 6 downloads