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March 3, 2009 at 1:18 am ET
Your Team Ain’s S#!t 2009: #6 The Pirates

Until February 2008, there was a vacuous void when it came to objective MLB team season previews and Devil Rays information on the internets. And then there wasn’t….

There was Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays. The 2009 Edition of Your Team Ain’t S#!t, like the 2009 Devil Rays, ain’t gonna sneak up on anybody like last year. But it will continue our proud tradition of truth and awesomeness. Please join us for this six week’s journey as we ready ourselves for the 2009 season, which is sure to be the greatest in the glorious history of the Devil Rays….

Working backwards through the final Bugs & Cranks Top 30 rankings, we continue with The Pittsburgh Pirates….

For the very first time, Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays is privileged to welcome a very special Guest S#!tter. Please welcome Tampa Bay Sports Blog’s Scott Brannelly, and enjoy his cogent arguments….

Argument 1: You can’t hurt us, no matter what you do!

You tried to screw us Pittsburgh. You did everything in your power to destroy the Devil Rays run to success last season and it didn’t work. You can try but you aren’t even good enough to beat us by ganging up on us. Let me remind you of your childish games you tried to play that didn’t work out.

We all remember now how the Devil Rays were looking for a right-handed power bat throughout last season, right? The Pirates had two that we coveted. First was Xavier Nady. The Pirates held on to him for a while and decided that whatever the Devil Rays were offering wasn’t good enough and went with the Yankees offer of Tabata, McCutchen and others. Nice job Bucs. You got rid of Nady and Marte for some minor leaguers who, when and if they are good, won’t contribute to the major league team until you’re ready to trade away Nate McLouth and Ryan Doumit for more “prospects”. Awesome job!

Next up was Jason Bay. In true Pirate fashion, you knew holding on to Bay was useless so you put him up for auction. This time you let the Devil Rays get deeply involved and even made us think that we landed the hitter we wanted, only to turn around and pull off a blockbuster that sent him directly to our competition. The Red Sox got better, and the deal did hurt, but it still wasn’t enough. This time you pulled great players back like Damian Moss, Andy LaRoche and Craig Hanson.

You dealt two of your best hitters to our AL East competitive powers and still couldn’t take us down. Maybe this year you can send Paul Maholm and Matt Capps to the Yanks or Sox when their pitching goes down. Hey you might get another “prospect” back. There’s nothing like building a new stadium, developing decent players and then trading them away for prospects, right?

The bottom line here is this, you tried to sink us and we still went to the big show. At this point you should try to stockpile more prospects and see if you drop down a level to try and take on the Durham Bulls, though you probably can’t beat them either!

Argument 2: You are not the “next Devil Rays”, so shut up!

This will be short and sweet. You can’t be the next Devil Rays with the trades you pull off. You would think that the Pirates would have stepped up a little by now with players like Bay, Nady, McLouth, Doumit, etc. coming through the system. The biggest problem is the fact that when you trade away these guys, you get nothing more back than what you gave. This equals no improvement!

The Devil Rays have made some nice trades over the years, one by Chuck LaMar even, that have made them the team we all see today. They have brought in Scott Kazmir, Matt Garza, Dioner Navarro, Edwin Jackson (turned into Matt Joyce), Jason Bartlett, Willy Aybar, JP Howell and so on in trades. Every one of these guys contributed to last year’s Championship team and that’s why the Devil Rays are good now.

How have those trades the Buccos have made worked out for you? Simply put, it’s this. Just because you’re young, doesn’t make you the “next Devil Rays”. Young doesn’t mean up and coming, young means young and that isn’t going to do it with the management in place in lovely Pittsburgh (laughing!), just ask the Royals.

Argument #3. It only took us 11 years, bitches!

The Devil Rays won their first pennant in their 11th season. The Pirates didn’t win a league championship until their 20th season.

Now and always, the Pirates ain’t shit compared to our beloved Devil Rays.

We’ll prove it head-to-head only if the Pirates somehow make it to the World Series.

Coming soon to Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays….

On Deck: #7 The Atlanta Braves

In The Hole: BONUS Puerto Rico

Previously on Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays….

#1 The San Diego Padres
#2 The Washington Nationals
#3 The Seattle Mariners
#4 The Colorado Rockies
#5 The San Francisco Giants

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4 Responses to “Your Team Ain’s S#!t 2009: #6 The Pirates”
  1. j says:

    Say what you want about the Buccos, but I’d rather live in Pittsburgh over Tampa any day.

    Some things the Rays don’t have, that we always will (regardless how shitty the present time may seem)- legends (Wagner, Clemente, Pops, the legend of a skinny Barry Bonds), and a legacy.

    Not that we weren’t cheering for the Rays here in Pittsburgh- we were. But we certainly aren’t going to say that the Pirates are the next Rays. We’re too familiar with the statement “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice (or 16 years in a row), shame on me.

  2. bwzimmerman says:

    Pirates wanted Reid Brignac for Nady, so We’d have a legitimate shortstop once Jack Wilson leaves. Rays didn’t want to give him up under any circumstances. YOU SCREWED THE ROYAL WE, RAYS. YOU SCREWED US.

  3. dude abides says:

    1909 Pirates went 110-42 and are considered one of the best teams of all time. In addition, they have won 5 WS, 9 pennants, and one of their best players lost his life while on a relief flight to deliver aid to earthquake victims.

    Let us know when you team is even near any of those accomplishments. That is if the sun hasn’t gone supernova by then. Until then, you team ain’t s#*!t. Going 1-4 in the world series doesn’t count. Plus the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Redskins combined ain’t S#*!t compared to the Steelers.

  4. ytr says:

    1. Bay and Nady did not come up through the Pirates system. As a matter of fact, the trade they got Bay for was a great deal for the Bucs. (Bay and Oliver Perez for Brian Giles)

    2. Who is Damien Moss?

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