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March 9, 2009 at 6:10 am ET
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Your Team Ain’t S#!t 2009: #10 The Diamondbacks

Until February 2008, there was a vacuous void when it came to objective MLB team season previews and Devil Rays information on the internets. And then there wasn’t….

There was Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays. The 2009 Edition of Your Team Ain’t S#!t continues our proud tradition of truth and awesomeness as over six weeks we prove concisely and conclusively why each of the other 29 teams remain vastly inferior to our beloved Devil Rays.

Working backwards through the final Bugs & Cranks Top 30 rankings, we continue with The Arizona Diamondbacks….

Argument #1. Look no further than third base.

Maria Sharapova tells me:

Mark Reynolds struck out an MLB record 204 times last season. Yikes. …. He’s also the worst third baseman in baseball right now. He committed 34 errors for an MLB-worst .904 fielding percentage in 2008.

Whereas, would anyone be surprised if Evan Longoria, the best third baseman in baseball, was banging Maria Sharapova?

Argument #2. Real Deal vs. Real Flukes.

You can’t bullshit your way into 97 wins in the AL East without any player having a career year. You can bullshit your way into being half of the Worst NLCS Ever and a hot April the next year in the pathetic NL West, but the real Diamondbacks are the ones who were ten games under .500 after May 1st.

Argument #3. Something about McCain.

It’s about vision and hope. Our beloved Devil Rays don’t have the luxury of hoping to just get lucky one year when the Red Sox or Yankees are having an off year, because those two behemoths have too much money to have really down years. The benefit of that is what we have now, a dominant Devil Rays franchise on the brink of dynastic dominance. What do the Diamondbacks have? Aspirations of being shitty Western Marlins.

Argument #4. Consistent excellence.

The Diamondbacks have won four division titles, but only appeared in one World Series, whilst every time the Devil Rays win their division, they’ve gone to the World Series. And again the NL West ain’t shit compared to the AL East.

Now and always, the Diamondbacks ain’t shit compared to our beloved Devil Rays.

We’ll prove it head-to-head only if by some miracle the Diamondbacks make the World Series.

Coming soon to Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays….

On Deck: #11 The Detroit Tigers

In The Hole: #12 Kansas City Royals

Previously on Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays….

#1 The San Diego Padres
#2 The Washington Nationals
#3 The Seattle Mariners
#4 The Colorado Rockies
#5 The San Francisco Giants
#6 The Pittsburgh Pirates (w/ Special Guest S#!tter Tampa Bay Sports Blog’s Scott Brannelly)
#7 The Atlanta Braves
BONUS Puerto Rico
#8 The Baltimore Orioles
#9 The Cincinnati Reds

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