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October 1, 2008 at 12:01 pm ET
3 Comments
Your Team Ain’t S#!t Playoff Edition: Brewers

In February and March, I previewed the 29 other MLB teams and compared them to our beloved Devil Rays, in anticipation of the 2008 season which has Rayvolutionized The Game ….

To get you ready for October, we’ll do it one more ‘gain with the 7 other teams lucky enough to join the Devil Rays in the postseason….

2008 Regular Season Record vs. Phillies: 1-5 (0-4 in Philly, 1-1 in Wisconsin) [Sabathia didn't pitch in any of those games]
2008 Regular Season Record vs. Devil Rays: didn’t play

October Arguments: Who would you rather be? This guy? Or This guy? (If you’re not sure, ask Rob Iracane.)

That pretty much tells you all you need to know about the chasm that separates these two franchises. Standards and goals. The Brewers mortgaged their future just to be able to say they made the playoffs. The Devil Rays are built to be a dynasty. Brewers fans celebrate making the playoffs with a quick soiling of themselves that makes them look like over-excited children — a soiling that will disappear as soon as the pee goes down the drain and those jeans go in the washer. Devil Rays fans get a nice haircut so they look like what they are — battle-tested warriors. And they keep it at least till the hair grows back.

CC Sabathia has a high pitch count but a low sperm count.

The Ryan Brawn Factor. Ryan Braun has hit 70 HR in his first two Major League seasons. In the past 55 years, only Albert Pujols hit more in his first two seasons. Further proof that Albert Pujols is an overrated sack of shit. I’m also told Braun can’t field good.

Game One Starter Yovani Gallardo. The starting pitching equivalent of urinating all over yourself.

Dale Sveum is no Joe Maddon. Joe Maddon is the winningest manager in Devil Ray history. This Sveum character has a 7-5 record as major league manager. His only other managerial experience was with a Pittsburgh farm team, the AA Altoona Curve. In 3 seasons in Altoona, he went 213-211 in the regular season, made only one playoff appearance and lost in the first round

Since acquiring Sabathia, the Brewers are 27-29 in games he hasn’t pitched in.

I suppose I also have to mention The Prince Fielder Champagne Bukkake Picture. Way to get people to stop talking about your vegetarianism, big guy.

All the Devil Rays have better fashion sense than Solomon Torres.

Record Trailing After 7 Innings: 9-51
Record Trailing After 8 Innings: 3-57

If the Brewers and Devil Rays meet in the World Series, the first two games will be at historic Tropicana Field, and we’ll all see that the Brewers ain’t shit compared to our American League East Champion Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

Previously on Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The American League East Champion Devil Rays: Playoff Edition….

#1 Boston Red Sox
#2 Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim
#3 Chicago Cubs
#4 Los Angeles Dodgers
#5 Philadelphia Phillies

Coming soon to Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The American League East Champion Devil Rays: Playoff Edition….

Bringing Up The Rear: #7 The Chicago White Sox

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3 Responses to “Your Team Ain’t S#!t Playoff Edition: Brewers”
  1. Brett says:

    Ryan Braun was a butcher @ 3rd last year, but mad 0 errors all year in LF.

    Brewers vs. Rays in the World Series!

    ESPN & FOX would have a collective heart attack…

  2. Jay says:

    95% of Rays fans have jumped on the bandwagon within the past month or so; Brewers fans have been here for the long haul.

  3. Yo says:

    Not sure why Gallardo is like peeing your pants…he’s one of the best young arms in baseball.

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