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September 30, 2008 at 12:01 am ET
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Your Team Ain’t S#!t Playoff Edition: Cubs

In February and March, I previewed the 29 other MLB teams and compared them to our beloved Devil Rays, in anticipation of the 2008 season which has Rayvolutionized The Game ….

To get you ready for October, we’ll do it one more ‘gain with the 7 other teams lucky enough to join the Devil Rays in the postseason….

2008 Regular Season Record vs. Dodgers: 5-2 [All games pre-Manny] (3-0 at Wrigley, 2-2 at Dodger Stadium)
2008 Regular Season Record vs. Devil Rays: 0-3 (0-3 at The Trop)
All-Time Record vs. Dodgers (1890-present): 1,011-1,012

October Arguments: The Cubs play in the National League.

Remember Last Year…. when the Cubs lost to an inferior NL West team that didn’t even have Manny Ramirez….

Remember Last Year…. when the Diamondbacks had a meaningless game the last game of the season, but if they won they could have kept the Rockies out of the playoffs….

Your Rookie Of The Year Isn’t As Good As Our Rookie Of The Year. Longoria > Soto.

Carlos Zambrano has given up 5 or more runs in 5 of his last 9 starts.

According to GROTA, Ryan Dempster “melts like a hot tub of butter with a runner on third (teams are batting .333 against him in that scenario).”

The Cubs bullpen is shaky, ranking only 8th in the NL. Carlos Marmol is funny-looking. Jeff Samardzija has one save, and three blown saves. More from GROTA: Kerry Wood “Developed a case of Rod Beckitis during the month of September with a 7.45 ERA. Bob Howry is a “Human gas can [who] Has given up 12 homeruns.”

GROTA on the Cubs not-so-great offense: Derek Lee “Hit into an absurd number of double plays this season.” Mike Fontenot “Is short enough to play a hobbit.” Jim Edmonds is batting .232 since the Break.

Pearl Jam sucks.

After beginner’s luck in his first postseason…. Piniella-led teams have lost 22 of their last 37 playoff games.

Spring Argument: If Lou Piniella was such a good manager, why did the Devil Rays fire him?

The Cubs have always been one of my favorite teams, perhaps only second or third to our Devil Rays. My first trip to Wrigley Field in 1996 was a moment I’ll treasure for ever, especially hearing Harry Caray singing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame.”

I’d be happy if the silly predictions made by Dempster and Nick The Greek came true, so long as it’s not against our Devil Rays.

But I don’t think they will.

And I don’t see how they can.

Because the Cubs still ain’t shit compared to our beloved Devil Rays.

Cubs Record When There Is A SE/NW Crosswind At Wrigley: 7-9

If the Cubs and Devil Rays meet in the World Series, the first two games will be at historic Tropicana Field, and we’ll all see that the Cubs ain’t shit compared to our American League East Champion Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

Previously on Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The American League East Champion Devil Rays: Playoff Edition….

#1 Boston Red Sox
#2 Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim

Coming soon to Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The American League East Champion Devil Rays: Playoff Edition….

On Deck: #4 The Los Angeles Dodgers

In The Hole: #5 The Philadelphia Phillies

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4 Responses to “Your Team Ain’t S#!t Playoff Edition: Cubs”
  1. Jeremy says:

    Chalk,
    I appreciate your enthusiasm in finally having a team to be proud of, but there are a few things wrong here.
    1) Longoria is amazing, but Geovany Soto is historically good. First rookie catcher to ever start for the NL All-Stars. Most homers by a rookie catcher since Piazza. Best offensive season by any catcher other than Brian McCann (there are several 3B better than Longoria). Called and caught a no-hitter. Was rarely shaken off by his pitchers, sometimes not at all in any given game. Transitioned Dempster from closer to ace. Transitioned Wood from ace to closer. Transitioned Harden to the NL.
    2) The Cubs had the largest run differential in the MLB. This was not a fluke. We scored the second most runs, and gave up the fourth least runs. Our team is sick in every facet of the game.

  2. David Chalk David Chalk says:

    October Arguments: The Cubs play in the National League.

  3. Bob Saget says:

    Re: Jeremy

    Soto is historically good? Please, don’t make me laugh. Catching for an excellent pitching staff does not make you good, despite whatever ridiculous “game-calling intangibles” you hear about on ESPN, and hitting homeruns in Wrigley Field does not put you in the same league as Piazza.

    I literally fell out of my chair laughing when I read your post.

    (PS – He is better than Longoria though)

  4. Jeff says:

    Kinda unfair to compare Soto to Piazza after Geo has only been one full year in the bigs. If you compare both of their first year numbers, Piazza’s are only slightly better, but again Soto has a long way to go to live up to Piazza.

    Stat for stat the cubs can match up against anyone in the NL or the AL, to underestimate them is a mistake. I kind of feel bad for the Rays because their media and fans seem to assume that a WS appearance is already in the bag. I realize that this blog is all in good fun, and part of the fun of baseball is the fun of shit talking to other team’s fans. Just saying, don’t get ahead of yourselves. Good luck Rays!

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