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October 2, 2008 at 1:26 am ET
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Your Team Ain’t S#!t Playoff Edition: White Sox

In February and March, I previewed the 29 other MLB teams and compared them to our beloved Devil Rays, in anticipation of the 2008 season which has Rayvolutionized The Game ….

To get you ready for October, we’ll do it one more ‘gain with the 7 other teams lucky enough to join the Devil Rays in the postseason….

2008 Regular Season Record vs. Devil Rays: 4-6 (3-4 at The Trop, 1-2 in Chicago)
2008 Regular Season Record in Domes: 5-17

October Arguments: Our MVP is better than your MVP. Say what you will about Jason Bartlett (and be wrong, he’s freakin’ awesome) but he’s better than his White Sox counterpart.

Because Rob Iracane Said So: “This one’s not even close. The best team in the playoffs versus the worst? Tampa Bay in 3.”

And Because Lil Wayne Does Too. I mean I could see Iracane OR Lil Wayne being wrong, but BOTH? No fucking way.

Tim Kurkjian Says The White Sox Outfield Defense Sucks Ass:

Perhaps. Ken Griffey Jr. made a huge defensive play in Tuesday night’s win over the Twins, but he’s not even close to his former self defensively. How many center fielders are replaced for defense late in a game? Jermaine Dye is just average in right field. This could be an issue because of a funky Tropicana Field with its roof, the catwalks, the big outfield and the noise. Plus, the Rays are very aggressive on the bases, and surely will challenge the White Sox’s outfield arms as often as they can.

Game One Starters. That Vazquez guy has lost his last two starts against the Devil Rays. Even his own manager, the honorable Ozzie Guillen, says Vazquez isn’t a big game pitcher. Meanwhile our Devil Rays send out The Master Of The Modified Circle Change James Shields, who tied the Devil Rays single-season victories record this season. This season at historic Tropicana Field, TMOTMCC is 9-2 with a 2.59 ERA.

When a girl calls you Buehrle it’s just a nice way of saying your fat. (Don’t ask me how I know this, I just do.)

Bullpen. Last year, the main problem with both the White Sox and Devil Rays were awful. This year the Devil Rays pen has gone from awful to awesome, the White Sox pen has gone from awful to mediocre.

R.J. Anderson of DRaysBay gives us more reasons the White Sox are shitty:

  • they are without Carlos Quentin, easily their best hitter
  • The Overhyped Cuban Missile Alex Ramirez is “hacky” and “doesn’t grade out well defensively”
  • Paul Konerko’s (.341) slugging percentage is nowhere near his previous seasons.
  • Griffey is “a liability, both in the field and at the dish”

Starting Thursday afternoon, we’ll all see that the White Sox ain’t shit compared to our American League East Champion Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

Previously on Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The American League East Champion Devil Rays: Playoff Edition….

#1 Boston Red Sox
#2 Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim
#3 Chicago Cubs
#4 Los Angeles Dodgers
#5 Philadelphia Phillies
#6 Milwaukee Brewers

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