Bugs & Cranks Home
Bugs & Cranks
April 8, 2013 at 6:31 pm ET
No Comments
A Knight’s Tale

Gather ‘round, children of Hogtown, I have a tale to tell. It is the stuff of legends, an account of a valiant man, the most courageous to ever grace these wretched Robfordian streets.  A knight once walked amongst us, and his story must be told.

He came from a galaxy far, far away; where Kevin James was once King and underground boxcars stamped with A, F, N, Q, R, J, E and 7 would transport you to Manhattan in in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.

He arrived from a place of marvel that spawned many hip-hop masters; such as LL the coolest of the J’s, Mr. Nasir Jones  Esq., Run from the clan of DMC, the Questing Tribe, the Deepest Mobb, and the esteemed Kool G Rap. It was a place rich with the Neck of Throgs, Van of Wycks and Parkways of Belts. This magical land housed the flying spaces of John F. Kennedy and Fiorello H. LaGuardia, where weary wanderers rested their tired heads upon seat covers woven of the finest polyester as they awaited their summons to the skyship.

Heroes of yore where once seen roaming Cross Bay Boulevard. It was not uncommon to witness the Brothers Ramone, Roneth of Jeremy, Simon and his midwife Garfunkel, John McEnroe Galahad, and Kareem Abdul-Lancelot, perched atop chairs of Flushing gold, sitting upon their round table, strategizing to overtake the evil squire Donald Trumpleton. Our hero called this enchanted place his own. It was his home for many a hunting season, and he proved that he had the impudence to overtake fiends sent to destroy his domain with oblong timbers.

His battlefield was the stadium of Shea upon the field of Citi. He threw flaming lances at Philadelphia dragons. He whipped his speared knuckles at Braves. He fought for supremacy, defending his sacred mound of dirt against Harperian Nationals and Stantic Marlins. His earned run average was the talk of the land. His fellow knuckle-knights, Sir Tim Wakefield of Bostonia, Jim Bouton of the Kingdom of Ball Four, and His Majesty Charles Hough sang his praises.  He was rewarded in the Gregorian year of two-thousand years and twelve fortnights with a symbol of magnitude:  The Cy Young Amulet.

But he grew troubled with his efforts to preserve the castle of David Wright. Our hero was to leave Queenslandia to fight against the evil wizards in the America League of East. He was told of beasts locked away in dungeons, deprived of sun, taking incessant batting practice, subsisting on nothing but the ade of gators and elderberries. He was told these beasts would be as big as Papis, as long as Longorias, as wide as Wieters, and possess the Canosian strength of ten thousand designated hitters.

Our hero did not balk; he accepted his fate and shipped off across the Interstate of 90, through the frozen wasteland of Syracuse, the Chester of Roch, and Buffalonia. He treaded through the falls of Niagara and presented his papers of birth to the guardians of Canadia. The guardians obliged; thus, he was granted entry unto the fortress of Ontariotown where leaves of Maple adorned the ground, the women were bountiful, and the ale of Steam Whistle flowed plentiful.

He was not scared, for he knew he would not be defending the Centre of Rogers all by his lonesome. He would be reunited with his trusted confidant and former fellow Metropolitan, José St. Reyes. He would be welcomed by the warrior Bautista. He would form a great bond with battery-mate John Paul Arencibia the Chivalrous.  He would wear his newly minted coat of arms, festooned with blue, white, and the crimson leaf of maple resting in the middle of his bonnet. Lastly, he would not surrender earned runs to Yankee demons, robbers in red socks, devilish sea beings, and feather-plucking orioles.

However, this was not to be. Our hero stumbled upon his first foray to defend his mound of dirt at the Centre of Rogers. His second foray he feared far worse, surrendering eight earned runs to the robbers in red socks, the worst siege coming from the evil necromancer William of Middlebrooks.

The townspeople jeered. “Get thee to a nunnery!”, they cried in unison. “Return to the National League of East!”, they yelled. “Be gone with you!”.  The townspeople were spoiled. They thought our hero would defeat dragons with one fail swoop of his knuckles. They did not think it would take him time to get accustomed to the behemoth hitting of the giants of the American League of East. A nation turned on him. They spurned him after just two games. Why doth they boo? We will never know.

If you listen closely, children of Hogtown, you can hear him weeping silently atop the CN Tower, his knuckles resting gently on his chin.

And thus ends the tale of woe of Sir Robert Allen Dickey, the Earl of Knuckledom.

Read more: , , , , , , , ,
Print  |  Email  |  Share/Save

Leave a Reply

Our Sponsors
Vividseats.com is your premier internet destination for all MLB Baseball Tickets, such as Phillies Tickets, Cubs Tickets, LA Dodgers Tickets, Pirates Tickets, Marlins Tickets, and many more.
SecureYourSeat.com are able to provide you with a great selection of Premier League tickets including Arsenal tickets, Manchester United tickets, Liverpool tickets and Chelsea tickets. We also stock a fine selection of Champions League tickets including Champions League final tickets.
Best online sports betting bonuses and promotions at Sportsbetting.com. Join now the most secure online sportsbook!
For a selection of online slots games and casino reviews visit Online Slots Entertainment, a leader in online slot machines since 2003.
AllianceTickets.com carries all MLB Tickets including Colorado Rockies Tickets, Seattle Mariners Tickets and San Francisco Giants Tickets. They carry all Sports Tickets at discount prices.
With Texas Holdem Masters you can get information about the hottest trends in the popular Texas Holdem Poker game, with strategies and tricks so that you can be a master too. At Gambling Experts your poker skills will be upgraded from being an amateur to being an expert.

windows 7 key

windows 7 key

serial winzip 11

serial winzip 11 key

serial corel draw 11

serial corel draw 11 serials

photo shop key

photo shop key

free corel photoshop download

free corel photoshop download keygen

adobe free

adobe free

winrar password cracker serial

wirar password cracker

winrar 3 download

winrar 3 download freedownload

office 2010 professional key

office 2010 key

download photo shop free

photo shop serial

free winrar download for xp

download winrar for xp for free

cs5 serialz

cs5 serialz free

windows 7 free

windows 7 crack

free corel downloads

free corel downloads cracked

office 2010 free

office 2010 key

key office 2010

office 2010 key

photoshop key

photoshop key

windows key

windows key

corel dvd moviefactory 6

corel dvd moviefactory 6 downloads