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April 1, 2008 at 9:22 pm ET
The Trev Alberts-Chris Rasmussen Debate On Proper Child Rearing

For those of you who have missed the first installment, here.

And lo and behold, the Internet delivers a response, with former Blackshirt/aspiring Dr. Spock Trey Albert providing a chiding commentary in a mysterious studio from an undisclosed location (much as I imagine Dick Cheney in my nightmares):


My response is as follows:

My Dearest Mr. Alberts,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful commentary.  I thank you for your compliments, when you referred to me as both “interesting” and “regular”, the latter of which I so rarely hear.  When I viewed your vlog, my immediate reaction ranged from…

… shock (“Trev Alberts?  Really?”)

to nostalgia (“boy, he was a great tackler in the open field.  What happened to him?”) …

to glee (“people are reading my stuff”) …

to hubris (“Soon, I will able to live off the ad revenue from WhatifSports and quit my job”) …

to confusion (“that was a joke.  He didn’t get it?”) …

to regret (“I really should proofread more if people are going to actually read what I write”).

I digress.

Your criticism of my misguided suggestions earlier is well-taken.  Perhaps I should focus entirely on my daughter’s positive attributes rather than creating a soulless, beaten fan of a small market team.   Bribery should not be considered a focus or strategy for manipulating a child and should only remain in its proper venue:  luring teenage recruits to play collegiate athletics for a particular school.

I am properly admonished, sir, for even broaching the subject.

But I’d like to focus further on your commentary, as it raises a few issues.   If my child stops becoming kind, thoughtful and gregarious and becomes a fan of another team, is it ethical behavior to point it out on a Youtube broadcast sponsored by a major telecommunications company? 

You are correct sir.  I should focus on the fact that she is truly the only thing of any significance I will ever do and continue raising my child as the sweet, kind, thoughtful girl she is.

Oh, and try to teach her a sense of irony, as well.

Your faithful servant,

Chris Rasmussen

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6 Responses to “The Trev Alberts-Chris Rasmussen Debate On Proper Child Rearing”
  1. JG says:

    Not everyone can say that they’ve been browbeaten by a ticker message.


  2. Ben Layne says:

    Maybe you could recruit Trev to teach your daughter some lessons on how to fulfill her potential. Or not.

  3. JayhawkOwensJunior says:

    This was the best conceivable response. I think 99% of your average bloggers would have torn aggressively into Mr. Alberts. You, on the other hand, extended the gently/moderately ironic tone from your original post into this response, and the subtle shift from to irony to gehtle/moderate mockery was flawless. Well done.

  4. Go Dawgs says:

    Man, this makes me sad. I loved Trev Alberts on ESPN because he seemed to be the only one that knew what he was talking about. I’d like to see him punch Mark May in the mouth. But, clearly Trev missed the point of this one.

    Love the fact that his kids root for Georgia, though.

  5. The Penguin says:

    Awesome posts and well played on the response. I’m definitely adding your feed to my list. Hope this becomes a series that leads up to a death match with you as the winner.

  6. As a long-time Sports Reporter for an imaginary news organ I can tell you I would be absolutely thrilled to have Trev Alberts call me ‘regular’.

    I mean, first off, who would know regular better than an older gentleman like Trev?

    And, of more importance, is the relevance of ‘being regular’ in all of Sports, to include the fan base {which I am sure you have impressed upon your daughter}.

    Well done.


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