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March 22, 2011 at 9:42 am ET
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Ollie Ollie Sucks Then Freed

Ohhhhh, the promise.

What a long and semi-eventful road young Oliver Perez has rid. The leg-kick, the punch-outs, the aggression.

Don't be sad little pelota...you will like the left field bleachers.

But mostly the promise.

The Mets went and did what every sane person would do when rolling snake eyes after a full hour run of luck. And then two years later they finally walked away from the table.

Ohhhhh, those kooky New York Mets.

Minayaball and the Loserville remains of the worst in Flushing (read: A Kenny Rogers post-season finale) were assuaged on Monday upon the news that the stern business agenda of Sandy Alderson signed the final timecard –but not the final paycheck– for excised employee number 46.

What’s next for The Metropolitanos? Easy enough. Retire the number 46.

Like the traditional flame grilling of the live goat family in the greater Chicagoland, or the minor-key retelling of the reviled No No Nanette to rapt Fens loyalists by a drunken Mission of Burma University Fan Club, The Mets need a grand gesture. Heck, maybe even a Grand Guignol gesture. Or perhaps a summons on the fecund spirits of French theatrical legend Le PĂ©tomane in the way of having Gary Carter blast a flame out of his ass in D-minor, yes…the saddest key of all, directly igniting the ugliest Sunday-two-years-ago number 46 jersey before an adoring but cautious gaggle of LIC louts on a “just lost three straight to the Tommyhawks and Jo-Jo Reyes beat us” bender.

Ohhhhhh, that kooky friendless Ollie. Another fine mess he’s gotten the Mets into.

So you figure after the allotted time elapses the Royals will take a flyer on him on a minor-league deal. Bob McClure teaches him that the expanse ABOVE the white five-sided thingy is where they put this “strike zone” they keep harping about. He gets a two-year gig for another $12 million (by then the going rate for debunked fireballers on a Lazarus kick). He strains a neck tendon in April on his third start after signing said contract and spends the next two years rehabbing in time to embark on another fresh start. By then he will be 34 ready to start the cycle one last time.

Expect to see him starring in a Mets old-timers game in 2020.

By then he’ll be thirty-nine.

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