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January 9, 2009 at 2:01 am ET
5 Comments
Rejected Programming Ideas For The MLB Network

Well the brand spanking new MLB Network has made quite the impression in it’s first week.テつ So far baseball fans have been introduced to can’t miss programs such as “Hot Stove”, “Prime 9″ and “Baseball’s Cathedrals”. Granted these shows aren’t necessarily ‘can’t miss’ for their content or entertainment value, but more so because they are rerun to the point where you simply can’t avoid them.

We here at the Bugs & Cranks offices were afraid Major League Baseball might struggle to provide fans with continuously fresh content now that our national pastime has gone full time — 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.テつ That’s why we took it upon ourselves to offer a number of suggestions for programming we thought might enhance the viewing experience of YOU, the baseball fan.

Unfortunately, we were rejected at every turn, but imagine how much more appealing the network could be if these proposed shows hadn’t been axed before they hit the airwaves.

The Front Office

The Front Office is baseball’s adaptation of America’s adaptation of the BBC original series The Office.テつ This show depicts the often unintentionally comedic everyday lives of MLB front office employees in the form of a documentary.

Featuring:

  • Allan H. “Bud” Seligテつ (Michael Scott)
  • Hank Steinbrennerテつ (Dwight Shrute)
  • Brian Cashmanテつ (Dwight’s cousin Mose)
  • Theo Epsteinテつ (Jim Halpert)
  • Erin Andrewsテつテつ (Pam Beesly)
  • Ryan Howardテつ (Ryan Howard)

Also starring:

  • Senator George Mitchell (Toby Flenderson)
  • Debbie Clemens (Jan Levinson)
  • Omar Minaya (Oscar Martinez)
  • Gord Ash (Kevin Malone)
  • Kenny Williams (Stanley Hudson)
  • Jim Hendry (Phyllis Vance)
  • Marge Schott (Meredith Palmer)
  • Curt Schilling (Angela Martin)
  • Pat Gillick (Creed Bratton)
  • Ed Wade (Andy Bernard)
  • Hazel Mae (Kelly Kapoor)
  • Bonnie Bernstein (Karen Filippelli)
  • Prince Fielder (Darryl Philbin)
  • David Wells (Roy Anderson)
  • Amy Ryan (Holly Flax)

‘The Office’ Character Guide

Fehr Factor

In each pulse-racing “Fehr Factor” episode, incompetent baseball owners (sometimes solo, often paired with business partners, lawyers and mistresses) from across the nation must decide if they have the guts and determination to face-off with executive director of the MLBPA Donald Fehr.

Under the supervision of a federal arbitrator, owners are confronted with a series of challenging negotiations. If they complete their task they advance; if ‘Fehr’ stops them from completing a deal or they fail the mission, they are immediately eliminated. The owner who wins the final challenge takes home the prize of a future draft pick sandwiched between the 3rd and 4th rounds.

Baseball Wife Swap

Baseball Wife Swap stars the happily married couple of Kris and Anna Benson.テつ In each episode Kris willingly swaps his hosebag wife with that of another professional baseball player.

Other couples who were rumored to be interested in appearing:

Andy & Laura Pettitte
Alex Rodriguez & Madonna
Scott Podsednik & Lisa Dergen
Barry Bonds & David Chalk

Turnbow: Texas Ranger

Turnbow, a flame-throwing right hander, and his partner Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones, a former Dallas Cowboy, are Texas Rangers.テつ Turnbow believes in dealing with his nemesis’ the old fashioned way, by drilling them in the ribcage with a heater. Pacman uses the modern approach to solving problems, such as putting out hits and punching women in the face.

A.J.’s Anatomy

This weekly one hour drama chronicles A.J. Burnett’s latest MRIs and trips to Birmingham, Alabama to visit famed surgeon Dr. James Andrews.テつテつ Which muscle did A.J. strain this week?テつ Tune in to A.J.’s Anatomy to find out.

Also starring in alphabetical order: Milton Bradley, Bobby Crosby, J.D. Drew, Tom “Flash” Gordon, Mark Prior and Kerry Wood.テつ With special appearances by Ken Griffey Jr. and Tommy John as Chief of Elbow Surgery.

Boras: Cultural Learnings in America’s Pastime for Make Glorious Bank
Account of Client

Scott Boras, the world’s most successful sports agent, is on a mission to locate his next overpaid athlete.テつ Boras flies to New York City to begin his quest, but his plans change after he catches a Yankees game on the YES Network. Determined to make his way to Yankee Stadium so that he can entice the beautiful Suzyn Waldman to be his bride, he sets off on a trip through Manhattan with a camera man in tow.

Cheaters

Host Joey Greco profiles and examines baseball players who have tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.テつ In addition, player’s reactions to being busted are filmed and aired in their unedited form.テつ J.C. Romero was to have been the first player profiled.

Other Rejected Programs

  • Best of the Washington Nationals
  • Two and a Half Men — Starring: CC Sabathia and David Eckstein
  • Cops: Shea Stadium
  • Paul Blart: Stadium Usher
  • 21 Jump Street — Starring Tim Lincecum and Jeff Francis
  • Interpreting the Classics with Poet Laureate Dmitri Young
  • The New Adventures of Old Carl Pavano
  • Sergeant Balco
  • Bay Watch — Starring Jason Bay as he rounds the bases in extreme slow motion.
  • Two Guys, a Girl and a Piazza Place

Special Thanks: The entire staff at Bugs & Cranks for their second to none creative input.

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5 Responses to “Rejected Programming Ideas For The MLB Network”
  1. JTHapp says:

    My face still hurts from laughing at this. Great stuff folks.

    If, (and i say IF), the MLB Network has the desire to grow and be successful, (and profitable), they need to develop a shred of humility over there, be able to laugh at themselves. MLB Network needs to give ‘Bugs & Cranks’ a 15 min show! (small steps first, give ‘em a taste!)

    It would be awesome!

    …. Oh wait, we are talking about MLB right?

    Never mind.

  2. Jessica says:

    Two and a half men…that’s comedy gold right there!

  3. X-Factor says:

    adaption?

  4. X-Factor says:

    but otherwise, hilarious

  5. That X-Factor. He’s a stickler.

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