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August 17, 2008 at 2:35 am ET
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Triumphant Brewers Alleged to Have Bipolar Disorder

A great catch, and a cry for helpThe American Psychiatric Association denounced the Brewers Saturday-night win over the Dodgers this morning, contending that Milwaukee’s come from behind, come from ahead roller coaster ten inning victory was actually a troubling display of bipolar disorder.

“We understand that Brewers fans are probably thrilled to get out of that one with a win,” cautioned APA spokesperson Dr. Patrick Lakatos, “but wins like this are actually symptomatic of a deeper, underlying psychological condition long-recognized in the DSM. Mental illness is not to be celebrated, but understood and treated like any other health problem.”

The Brewers’ exciting and maddening win in Los Angeles was marked by Milwaukee’s wild swings from offensively anemic and defensively superb to offensively efficient and defensively hapless. Corey Hart and Mike Cameron expertly covered their portions of the Dodger Stadium outfield, and Gabe Kapler covered not only left field but the first few rows of the grandstand as well, making what may have been the best Brewer catch of the year in the seventh.

Then, beginning with Ryan Braun’s subsequent pinch-hit appearance in the eighth, the Brewers snapped out of their offensive funk. Braun’s first at-bat since suffering a rib injury last week resulted in Joe Torre pulling Derek Lowe and then resulted in a double to right. J.J. Hardy’s subsequent two-run shot gave Brewers a 3-2 lead.

But, in a tense ninth, the Brewers’ defense descended into a deep depression. Hardy misplayed a ground ball. Then, Craig Counsell did the same. The air-tight defense the Brewers mounted for the first eight innings had suddenly disappeared.

“Dramatic mood swings like that are hard for loved ones and fans,” Lakatos insisted, “you think you’re watching the Brewers best defensive game of the year and then they kick the ball around the infield and let the Dodgers back in it…the important thing to remember is that these things are treatable; help is out there.”

Strikingly, Hardy and the Brewers promptly swung back from their ninth inning malaise to a manic two-out sequence in the tenth in which Ray Durham drew a walk, stole a base on Russell Martin, and then scored on a sharp Hardy single to right.

After allowing two men on in the bottom of the tenth, David Riske struck out Manny Ramirez to seal a one-run win.

“That probably felt like it was having the ‘old’ Hardy back again,” Lakatos warned, “but these swings from playing well to playing poorly to playing well again are essentially a cry for help. J.J. Hardy needs our love, our understanding, and probably some Lithium Carbonate or Ziprasidone,” he added.

Despite his incredible catch in the left-field stands in the seventh, Kapler was exhibiting signs of emotional volatility.

“ESPN didn’t even make my catch the top play of the day,” Kapler complained, “they gave the #1 play to Reggie Bush because he jumped over a guy. He’s a running back. He’s supposed to do that. It’s a preseason game for the Saints and he gets the top play over me? Even his girlfriend has a better highlight reel than he does.”

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