2:50 AM BST: Good morning/afternoon/evening! Happy fourth and final Opening Day to everyone out there. The wait to see Albert Pujols make his official Angels debut is roughly ten minutes from being over, with Jered Weaver taking on Royals “ace” Bruce Chen from Anaheim Stadium. I’ve decided to try my hand at live blogging the game because it seems like the hep thing to do and to be honest I need some way to keep myself awake. I am currently residing in an outer borough of London called Kingston Upon Thames so while the game is on at sometime between 7-10pm for most of the intended audience, start time for me is 3am. I’m not sure how this will go or what I’ll find to talk about but it’s sure to be a sad and lonely experience. Whee!
3:00 AM BST: And the MLB.tv feed is up, thank goodness. I’ve been suffering through the Arizona Diamondbacks broadcast of their game for the last hour and was on the verge of believing Jose Mota to be an adequate broadcaster. I don’t know who those guys are or how to describe it, but let’s just I’m starting to understand how Arizona SB 1070 got through the State legislature. Terrifying.
3:03 AM BST: Holy shit Pujols is actually an Angel, you guys.
3:05 AM BST: So I haven’t really figured out how to bide my time during the blue screen of death commercial breaks. There’s always that worry the game will never come back unless I click something or refresh the media player that keeps me from making a trip to the kitchen. I purchased a few things at Tesco, which is like the English version of Walmart but more food oriented, but what the hell does one snack on at three in the morning?
3:09 AM BST: HOLY SHIT NOT PRINGLES. Wow, salty foods are just not good at this time of the night/morning.
3:11 AM BST: And we’re off! Not so sure about Wells hitting between Hunter and Morales, but I doubt it’ll stay that way long. Love the fact that Yuniesky Betancourt is actually starting. Except for the whole he-sucks-but-makes-more-money-than-I-ever-will thing.
3:15 AM BST: Heard this: Mark Gubizca is under threat of death to speak in meaningless cliches at all times.
3:16 AM BST: Anyone know how to make a backwards K on the keyboard? Expecting a lot of those today.
3:17 AM BST: Royals doing their best to make sure Weaver stays fresh. That was 10 pitches, including a K.
3:19 AM BST: Ice cream. In case you’re wondering, also not the best 3AM food. I’m beginning to think I should just stop eating.
3:20 AM BST: Erick Aybar… still dumb. Still not a good lead-off hitter.
3:21 AM BST: Howie is going to absolutely rake this year.
3:24 AM BST: Ah, yes. The fliner double play. Just how I imagined Pujols’ first at-bat.
3:27 AM BST: What the hell is a BLT cheeseburger? Is that not just a regular bacon cheeseburger that happens to have lettuce and tomatoes? It must be marketed to the same people who think the Coors Light blue “cold” indicator thing is something they need. It’s called the sense of touch, guys, everyone’s got it.
3:30 AM BST: Glad to see Trumbo is adjusting well to third base… yikes.
3:37 AM BST: Remember when George Clooney and Benicio Del Toro were set to play Mel and Larry in the Three Stooges movie? Yeah, how did they get replaced by the cast of MAD tv?
3:38 AM BST: My bad. Guess it was Sean Penn and Benicio Del Toro. Close enough?
3:40 AM BST: Kendrys Morales doing his best Pujols impression… double play to end the inning.
3:45 AM BST: Alex Gordon is the lead-off hitter? Not sure if this is Ned Yost is being smart (Gordon has a high OBP) or misguided (Gordon is a “table setter” for the RBI guys).
3:49 AM BST: Weaver telling Iannetta to be more like his BFF Mathis.
3:50 AM BST: Heard this: Having a “monster spring” means jack-shit.
3:59 AM BST: Realized it might behoove me to give score/inning updates. Otherwise it might just seem like incoherent rambling or something. Nil-nil going into the 4th. Angels making Bruce Chen look like Roy Halladay.
4:03 AM BST: Tonight’s trivia question: Which 4 players in Angels history started 10 or more consecutive Opening Days?… my guesses: Tim Salmon, Garrett Anderson, Brian Downing… and Dean Chance.
4:07 AM BST: FOX spends millions of dollars campaigning for shit like The Three Stooges and willingly hands Frank McCourt gobs of money to run the Dodgers into the ground but won’t do a thing to save Arrested Development… Sense: this makes none.
4:08 AM BST: Trivia question answers! Anderson, Salmon, Downing… and Erstad. 3-for-4 ain’t bad.
4:09 AM BST: $100,000 Pyramid: “Bruce Chen is putting on a clinic”… Things that should only be said in a hospital!
4:12 AM BST: Albert Watch, 4th inning – 0-for-2, 1 LOBster. Scoreless through four!
4:18 AM BST: Weaver doing his best Kevin Brown, 60 pitches through five innings. Without the Trumbo error it’s probably at 55.
4:19 AM BST: Angels advertising for Russian Vodka with Weaver on the mound, Yokohama tires with Bruce Chen on the bump. They do know he’s Panamanian/Chinese, right?
4:28 AM BST: You know it’s been a slow game when the Coors Light “Freeze Cam” is used to replay an error by the home team.
4:30 AM BST: 8 Ks for Weaver through six. Still 0-0. In related news, my eyelids are getting heavier by the minute. The goggles do nothing.
4:37 AM BST: Yep, an hour and a half later Pringles are still a bad choice.
4:43 AM BST: So if Bruce Chen out-duels Jered Weaver, does Satan win?
4:46 AM BST: Can we develop a stat in where a runner’s OBP goes down when they get picked off or caught stealing? Frenchy just got picked at second on a 3-0 count. CLUTCH.
4:53 AM BST: Bottom of the 6th now. The infection is spreading. Most of the crew is lost and I’m beginning to think my time is shor…. whoa. Sorry, guys, wrong live blog…. Chen is finally out of the game. But now we’re on to the Royals bullpen which is actually kind of good.
5:03 AM BST: Weaver looking to join Verlander and Masterson with the third dominant eight-inning no-decision performance of the year. Can we just abolish pitcher wins already?
5:06 AM BST: Hey guys, Aaron Crow has a breaking ball. Just thought I’d let you know because the Angels haven’t figured it out yet.
5:10 AM BST: Bases juiced for Bourjos. I haphazardly suggest a squeeze.
5:14 AM BST:Â As I’ve always said, should’ve put Yuni at shortstop.
5:19 AM BST: Hah! No, just fucking with you guys. Yuni is awful.
5:20 AM BST: And just like that, it’s 4-0. Bases-clearing triple from Aybar. Peter Bourjos, who is ridiculous fast, scores from first.
5:31 AM BST: And Scott Downs closes it out with a stress-free 1-2-3 ninth. Pujols goes hitless but the Angels are 1-0! Good night, London! KIT, never change.
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