Maitre d': Certainly, sir. Right this way.
Peter Angelos: Greetings! Greetings, young Smitty! Welcome! Please, sit down!
Me: Thanks, Mr. Angelos. Pleasure to meet you.
Angelos: The pleasureâ€™s all mine, son, Iâ€™m sure! Whatâ€™re you drinking?
Me: Letâ€™s see â€¦ a Makerâ€™s Mark? Neat please?
Angelos: GarĂ§on, heâ€™ll have an Old Crow and water.
Me: Oh. Well, sure.
Angelos: And Iâ€™ll have another of these â€¦ what do you call them? Olde English 800s?
Waiter, rolling his eyes: Very good, sir.
Angelos: Look at this menu! My god, man! Have you ever seen such a spread? Anything striking your fancy, Smitty?
Me: Hmm. Well, I think Iâ€™ll have the prime rib. Canâ€™t go wrong there.
Angelos: Hmm. Prime rib, huh? Did you see this nice sirloin flank thing?
Me: Oh. Um â€¦ yes. That looks â€¦ good?
Angelos: Damn right it does. Whatâ€™re we, made of money?
Me: Well, Iâ€™m not. But I thought you â€¦
Angelos: Oh donâ€™t get me wrong, Smitty. Iâ€™ve done just fine for myself. All that asbestos money has made me untold millions. But I donâ€™t go throwing around cash like Iâ€™m some kind of rap star. Like Iâ€™m Puffy Dog Daddy or something.
Me: Well, no. But yâ€™know, I thought â€¦
Angelos: You thought! You thought wrong, young man. I donâ€™t spend money just to spend it. Why get a Makerâ€™s Mark when thereâ€™s nothing wrong with an Old Crow?
Me: Well, thereâ€™s nothing wrong with it, exactly. But Makerâ€™s Mark is better.
Angelos: Better, how? Just because it costs more?
Me: Not necessarily. It costs more because itâ€™s better. Take Masahiro Tanaka, for example. Everybody wanted him and the Yankees got him because they paid him.
Angelos: Rubes! That con artist swindled them out of $155 million! You mark my word! Theyâ€™ll be wearing a barrel before the ink on that contract is dry!
Me: He was 24 and 0 in Japan last year! And heâ€™s only 26!
Angelos: Then YOU pay him!
Me: But â€¦ I didnâ€™t buy a baseball team! You did!
Angelos: Pssh! And some investment it was.
Me: The Orioles are worth more than a billion dollars! You paid $170-some million for them 20 years ago! What else do you want?
Angelos: What do I want? I want championships!
Me: But you cheap out when it comes time to sign players. The Yankees, Boston, even Toronto understands that talent isnâ€™t free.
Angelos: You wait, Smitty. Youâ€™ll see. Weâ€™re gonna bring up that whole Norfolk Tides roster and theyâ€™ll bring Baltimore the pennant it so richly deserves.
Me: Check, please!
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