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March 7, 2014 at 5:18 am ET
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If Tommy John Hadn’t Believed in Science: A 1-Act Play

DODGER PITCHER: Doctor Jobe, my elbow’s killing me. I can’t pitch anymore.

DR. FRANK JOBE: Hmm. Let’s have a look… Mm-hm. Mmm-hmm. Interesting.

PITCHER: What? What is it?

JOBE: Your ulnar collateral ligament is kapoot.

PITCHER: Kapoot?

JOB: Completely kapoot.

PITCHER: I guess I’m done then, huh doc?

JOBE: Not so fast, Mr. John … may I call you Tommy? I have an idea. What if we were to take a tendon from, say, your leg and put it in your elbow?

PITCHER: [ANGRILY LEAPS OFF THE EXAM TABLE] Are you mad?! Who are you to play God, Dr. Jobe?! That leg tendon is in there for a reason!

JOB: I think it could extend your pitching career.

PITCHER: And then what? You’ll sew a monkey head on my shoulders? No thanks! You’re messing with nature, Dr. Jobe!

JOB: Maybe you’re right, Tommy. Let’s forget I ever said it.

And thus, the careers of every one of these guys are cut short by ulnar collateral ligament injuries. Bugs&Cranks salutes the late, great Dr. Frank Jobe, who died yesterday at age 88.

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