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January 14, 2014 at 12:40 am ET
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O’s Offseason Taking Shape. And It Looks Like a Pear.

Dan Duquette looked at the Orioles roster and noticed that his team lacked an anti-Semitic righthanded bat. Get Delmon Young’s agent on the phone!

When you’re in the market for a declining, one-tool DH, might as well sign one with a history of hate crime, right? Harken back to April of 2012: as a member of the Tigers, Young landed in the drunk tank, charged with a hate crime after spewing anti-Semitic rage while assaulting a yarmulke-wearing Manhattan panhandler.

And while we’re spinning Delmon Young’s greatest hits, who can forget his 50-game suspension as a member of the triple-A Durham Bulls for throwing a bat at an umpire?

Somehow, Delmon Young is only 28. My favorite thing about Delmon Young is that he’s the brother of Dmitri “Da Meat Hook” Young. We can only imagine that Duquette sees the younger Young as a cheap reclamation project. Because, for all his problems, everybody remembers Young’s potential.

For Orioles fans, even more perplexing than Young’s minor league contract is Jack Cust’s invitation to spring training. Invitation to do what? Drive the bus? Sell hot dogs? Certainly you don’t mean that Jack Cust was inviting to camp, issued a uniform and will participate in baseball-related activities.

Cust is 35 and hasn’t played in the majors since 2011, when he hit .213 for Seattle. That followed a couple of odd years in Oakland that yielded some power, a lot of strikeouts, a high OBP … and zero playoff appearances.

O’s fans remember Cust’s brief time in Baltimore and his Flop Heard ‘Round the Yards, a flailing, seismic baserunning thud that ended between third base and home plate back in 2004.

And, of course, the Orioles are in on the sizzling Mark Reynolds sweepstakes, as well. With any luck, the World Strikeout King will return to Camden Yards in 2014 and add to his historic legacy of whiffery.

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