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February 21, 2014 at 3:33 pm ET
Fat B&C Writer Struggles to Poke Fun at Fat Jesus Montero

Presented with a golden opportunity to snark on failed Mariners prospect Jesus Montero, Bugs & Cranks writer Scott Fendley struggled to make relevant yet humorous points in a timely manner.

“All I’ve done since the World Series is eat and watch football and curling,” said Fendley, “so when I saw Ryan Divish’s article in the Seattle Times I was slow and my writing prowess was out of shape, so I waited too long to post something.

“I mean, it’s really easy pickings as well,” Fendley continued. “At the least I could have said, ‘One man to a pair of pants, please.’ but all I wanted was another plate of pizza rolls.”

Fendley’s career with Bugs & Cranks has been mercurial, with early accolades for his work with the Marlins in 2011, but after a relocation to Washington his articles have taken a single note in ridiculing the Mariners’ feeble attempts at relevance in a crowded American League West.

Patrick Smith, CEO of Bugs & Cranks, commented on Fendley’s issues. “I’m disappointed in his off-season regimen,” said Smith as he reached for a piece of pie in the cafetorium at Bugs Central. “He should have been working on his metaphors, and reducing his dangling participles, but all we have now is a guy trying to work ‘corner guard’ and ‘curl into the button’ into each story.

“I’m not counting on him for anything this season,” Smith ended.

Fendley is circumspect in his optimism for the upcoming year. “I know what I can do, I’m just going to have to try and put forth the effort.  But the wings and waffle fries at Wing Central in Ellensburg are just so tasty.

“Maybe I can invite Montero there for an interview. I think we can polish off 60 or so…”

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