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April 27, 2013 at 11:14 am ET
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I’ve Seen This Movie Before…

So…I’ve moved. When I say I moved, I MOVED.

No pussyfooting around here. I went from South Florida to the Pacific Northwest. Funny how a job in your field that’s almost perfect for you will force you to uproot everything and go.

Better yet, I’ve left the stinky, heinous, probably going to be as bad as the 2003 Tigers, or even the 1916 A’s Marlins for the…


Seattle Mariners.

Your Mariners are currently 9-16. And while the coffee is great, the promotions are fun, the stadium looks tremendous, and the fans are forgiving, this seems like a repeat for me.

As you know, last year Miami went out and remade their team. Well, they thought they remade it. They didn’t patch any of their glaring holes and tried to spackle and duct tape things together. When that didn’t work, Moe Green Loria acted like a petulant child and just threw everything away, and now he’s playing with rocks and sand.

Up here, the Mariners realized that offense was an issue. OK, that’s understating it. The Mariners realized that their office had been historically wretched over the past two seasons, so they tried to do something about it.

To their base of Kyle Seager (a nice player, no star, but a nice player), Michael Saunders (see Seager) and Jesus Montero, while hoping and praying that Franklin Gutierrez would get healthy and Justin Smoak would start to do SOMETHING, and they went out and acquired guys who could hit, or so they thought.

They hauled in Raul Ibanez (age 218), Mike Morse, Endy Chavez, Jason Bay, and Kendrys Morales. All ‘proven’ vets.

(Oh, and just for Smitty, Robert Andino, too…but he doesn’t fit this narrative…)

There’s a big problem, though. Well, actually, there’s a couple.

One, to get Morse, they gave up John Jaso. While not the best catcher in the world, he’s a catcher that can hit, unlike Montero who is a hitter that can don the mask and gear for promo photos.

Second, to wedge Bay in there, they cut loose Casper Wells. Again, he’s not a world beater, but he’s young(ish) and is a decent defender.

Third, they seem to have forgotten that you can only play one first baseman, one DH, and one left fielder in each game.

Montero’s a DH that is catching most of the games because, well, Kelly Shoppach is the other choice.

Smoak is a DH being forced to play first because, well, he looks like a first baseman. He’s better than Adam Dunn at first…

Ibanez is a platoon DH playing LF for the benefit of blooper reels everywhere.

Morse is a blah 1B (and lousy LF) playing RF because, well, you need a RF.

Morales is a DH only, since he plays 1B like Adam Dunn.

Bay is now a mediocre to lousy defender in the OF. He probably should DH most of the time if he’s playing.

Endy Chavez is 35 and probably should play the corner OFs more often than CF.

There’s, um, quite the backlog of DH types.

Yes, I know Saunders and Gutierrez are currently hurt, but when they come back, they’re still an overload of 1B/DH types.

What Seattle must have thought is that you can DH for everyone. So instead of batting Brendan Ryan and Dustin Ackley, you can just plug in Bay and Ibanez in their spots in the order. That HAS to be the reasoning. Otherwise, I can’t see any logic for having Morales AND Ibanez AND Morse AND Bay AND Smoak, not to mention Montero, on the same roster.

Oh, and top top it off, they just called up Carlos Peguero, who is a corner outfielder that is best suited as…a DH. Sigh.

Right now, the Mariners are scuffling. I’m sure deals will be made. Unfortunately, their trading chits are dime-a-dozen, and a starting pitcher they probably acquired for trade bait (Aaron Harang) is just a whole big mess of fail right now. There are rumblings that wholesale changes will be made if things aren’t turned around.

At least that’s one positive. In Miami, Moe Green Loria kept his henchmen that wrecked the franchise. Here in Seattle, they’ll blow up the front office and managerial staff to try something else.

And if nothing else, the 2013 Mariners will be a huge case study in roster deconstruction.



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