While just slightly ahead of the Los Angeles AngelsÂ (19-27)Â in the standings, the Los Angeles Dodgers (19-26) are five miles ahead on a jam-packed 405 freeway at rush hour when it comes to promotional giveaways. Dodgers swag includes a Magic Johnson t-shirt, a Rick Monday “Flag Saving” bobble head and a cool hooded sweatshirt. Meanwhile, Angels fans can score a rally wig, a drawstring bag or this ridiculous Mike Trout fish hat.
The marketing department in Anaheim needs some help, so I came up with some giveaways sure to reward Angel fans for attending some weeknight game against the Twins while the Angels are ten games out of first.
Mike Sciosciaâ€™s Â Cliches My Way: Interview Strategies That Get the Media Off My Ass Coffee Table BookÂ Night.Â
Sciosciaâ€™s the worst when it comes to interviews. Everything out of his lasagna hole is a cliche. Turn the page. One pitch at a time. You have to focus on the process and play good baseball. If he talks like this in the clubhouse, itâ€™s no wonder his teams havenâ€™t made the postseason since 2009. He sounds like every adult in a Charlie Brown cartoon. â€śWah wah wah, wah wah wah. Wah.â€ť
Mark Trumbo Mini Personal Handheld Fan Night
Enjoy the breeze on a sunny So Cal day when Trumboâ€™s bat rapidly whiffs at low and outside sliders. Powered by two AA batteries or bad strike zone judgment.
Joe Blantonâ€™s The Least Interesting Player in Baseball Poster
â€śI donâ€™t always pitch well, but when I do, I still manage to lose the game.â€ť
Josh Hamilton Refund Night
Every fan in attendance receives $5 bills autographed by Hamilton. People donâ€™t turn down free money, so expect all 42,050 seats to be sold, which leads to a modest $225,250 out of Hamiltonâ€™s $17 million salary in 2013.
Build Me Up Buttercup Demolition Night
Bring any album cover, record, tape or CD featuring The Foundations pop title Build Me Up Buttercup and receive a free ticket to the game. Items will be placed in a crate and blown up immediately following Take Me Out to the Ballgame, ending the tradition of the most wussified song in the seventh-inning at Angel Stadium.
Jered Weaver Broken Arm Bobble Head Night
Silky blonde hair oozes from this beautiful piece as Weaver’s severed right arm lay on the mound clutching a baseball. Alternate promo name: Weaver Goes All Dave Dravecky Night.
C.J. Wilson Straight Edge Night
Catch legendary punk band Minor Threat in concert as they tear up the outfield grass following the game. No beer served this night. No promiscuous sex in the bleachers. Batting gloves branding the letter â€śXâ€ť on the back of the hand and â€śStraight Edgeâ€ť rub-on tattoos will be handed out to children 12 and under.
Albert Pujols Shoe Insert Night
Sponsored by Dr. Schollâ€™s. Avoid straining the ligament in the arch of your foot with these orthotics, featuring the sluggerâ€™s face over bright Angel red. Or, take out your frustration with Pujols and his serious regression as you walk around town and stomping on his face.
Angels marketing, Tweet me @SethTearz and we’ll work out the payments. You’re welcome.
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