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August 21, 2014 at 6:55 pm ET
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The Bright Side of the Garrett Richards Injury

We live in a cynical, cynical world. Jerry Maguire had it right.

When Garrett Richards’s left knee buckled covering first base last night at Fenway Park, fans of the first-place Los Angeles Angels withered. Hearts Garrett Richardssmashed. Dreams crushed. And these words were muttered, Tweeted or smeared on bathroom mirrors in blood throughout Southern California:

The Angels are fucked.¬†There goes the division title.¬†Too bad the Halos¬†didn’t acquire any starting pitching depth at the trade deadline.¬†I hope Hector Santiago can keep the Angels in a Wild Card game.

I get it. I did the same thing.

And even Fangraph’s Jeff Sullivan got all doomsday on us today with percentages and logic. Do you ever smile, Sullivan?

But today’s a new day. The sun rose again. And after the most gutsy game of their season (the Angels trailed Boston 3-0 just after Richards got hurt, but Josh Hamilton’s 3 RBIs and run, along with the bullpen’s 7.1 lock-down innings en route to an 8-3 victory), the Halos rest 1.5 games above the Oakland A’s in the American League West.

I want to smell the roses. I want to enjoy the beauty of today. No, this isn’t my Celexa-Welbutrin cocktail talking, jerk! So here you go. A list of silver linings following Richards’s torn patellar tendon last night.

At least it wasn’t his arm

C’mon, you know you thought it. A torn ulnar collateral ligament and Richards would’ve joined Tyler Skaggs (partially torn UCL) under Dr. James Andrews’s scalpel.

Nine month return

Suck it, Tommy John surgery. You won’t be tasting Richards’s elbow this year. Assuming a normal rehab, Richards will be pitching for the Angels by May. The evil Tommy John surgery would’ve put Richards out until April of 2016. That’s so far away that Star Wars Episode VII will already have come and gone.

13-4, 2.61 ERA, 1.04 WHIP

That’s a solid-ass year, folks. You might even call it All-Star worthy, if your name isn’t John Fucking Farrell. Richards won’t finish worse than 13-4 with a good ERA, very good WHIP and almost a strike out per inning. Stick that shit in a frame for the arbitrator, Garrett. Hellllllllllllloooooooooooooo raise.

Bartolo Colon’s return to the Angels

Shut up about the Angels getting cockblocked by another team’s waiver claim. Nine years ago Colon won his only Cy Young award (21-8, 3.48 ERA). Colon’s presence in the rotation would give the Angels a far better option than the next point.

Wade LeBlanc/Randy Wolf/Chris Volstad/Michael Roth get to show what they can do

This smells awful. Really. This is starting pitching depth in the organization. But hey, glass is half full, right? I just KNOW (fill in the blank) will get called up, go 4-1, 2.55 ERA down the stretch and win Game 7 of the World Series. OMG I’M SO HIGH RIGHT NOW.

It let Richard Justice write this

Here. It’s this right here. He’s also high.

Garrett can cosplay more

richardsbopeep

Lego Garrett Richards is already off of his left leg richardslego

Garrett can model more

298_298_california-dreaming-garrett-richards

Peter Bourjos and C.J. Wilson, however, cannot.

Richards can watch more Sooners

Oklahoma is ranked third by the Associated Press in the preseason rankings. With a busted knee, Richards won’t need to make excuses to sit on the couch for 12 hours every Saturday to see if his alma mater¬†can slide in to the first season of the four-team playoff. And he won’t have any of those pesky baseball games to pitch in when Oklahoma kicks off, either.

The Ballerina

richardsballet

Richards has more time to shop for tutus.

And he has more quality time for Papa and Grouchy Smurf

richardssmurtbukkake

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