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June 27, 2008 at 7:24 pm ET
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What’s In A Name?

Poo-Holes?  Think about it.Albert Pujols is back. Let me say that another way: Albert Poo-Holes is back. It’s amazing that more attention isn’t paid to his ridiculously funny last name. There is a laundry list of toilet jokes out there that have never been uttered. Since entering the Major Leagues Albert has not been preyed on by fans or media members for his anally-evident moniker. There’s a good reason for that. He’s too freaking good.

Since day one in the bigs, Albert has raked. He’s the most consistent hitter on the planet and has a career comparable to some of the greatest names ever to play the game. It’s hard to poke fun at a guy’s name when he’s so unbelievably good at what he does, not to mention how imposing he is in the batter’s box. It’s as if people seem to forget all about the fact that he is a Poo-holes.

He’s currently hitting .358 with 16 homers and 43 RBI, even after missing 2 weeks due to his recent calf strain. Impressive numbers to say the least, and the guy plays through pain constantly. He may not be the iron man that Cal Ripken Jr. was, but he is certainly a warrior. He always recovers quicker than anticipated, and he makes an instant impact when he returns. In his first game off the DL yesterday he went 4-4 with a walk and the go ahead RBI in the 9th inning that should have won the Cardinals the game, and their seventh consecutive road series.

Regardless, Albert’s last name should be hilarious. I never thought I’d see someone wearing a jersey with a name so close to “butthole” on the back, let alone people lining up to buy them all over the country. But when you’re as good as Albert is, no one thinks about anything else. Funny how the brain works that way.

Hopefully if a Greg Jerkoff or a Steve Pussywillow ever wind up in the Major Leagues they’ll be talented enough for people to look past their unforgiving last names. For their sakes.

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One Response to “What’s In A Name?”
  1. evans says:

    I think the hilarity of Pujols’s last name is overshadowed by the multitude of NHL players named “Semen.”

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