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February 18, 2009 at 2:55 pm ET
Boy, Rick Reilly sure seems to know who did and didn’t take steroids

Reilly: 'I'm the Queen Mother'Rick Reilly, whose ESPN columns are consistently craptastic, serves up another plate of re-fried stupidity in today’s article, taking away MVP awards from suspected/admitted steroid users like Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez and giving them to guys who’ve never taken steroids. Ya know, like Albert Pujols and Luis Gonzalez and Mike Piazza…

Step up here, Mike Piazza. The late Ken Caminiti of the San Diego Padres stole your 1996 NL MVP, then admitted he was into more juice than Jack LaLanne. Yes, it’s 13 years late, but the nameplate is new! And here’s yours from 2001, Luis Gonzalez, after you finished behind The Barry Bonds Pharmacy. We won’t even mention the home run title you would’ve won that year.

Now, for the man of the night. I have a U-Haul of hardware here for Jose Alberto Pujols Alcántara of the St. Louis Cardinals. You already have two MVPs, Albert, and you’re about to get three more, since Barry Bonds ripped you off worse than Bernie Madoff to win the award from 2002 to 2004.

You hit .335 and averaged 41 bombs those years and yet you finished second behind the clearly creaming Bonds in ’02 and ’03 and third behind Bonds and Adrian Beltre in ’04. We’re throwing out Beltre since, while he denies ever using PEDs, he fell off the face of the planet once baseball put in stricter steroid suspensions in 2005. If he wasn’t cheating, I’m the Queen Mother.

You’re the queen something, that’s for sure.

Let’s get this straight: He’s absolving Mike “I was drafted in the 62 round” Piazza, who went on to become the greatest hitting catcher of all time; and he’s absolving Luis Gonzalez, who came out of nowhere to hit 57 home runs in 2001, even though he never hit more than 31 before that season or after; and he’s absolving Albert Pujols, who sprang from the head of Zeus in 2001. But Adrian Beltre doesn’t pass the sniff test?

And, oh, he wants to give Carlos Delgado the 2003 American League MVP, because there’s no way Delgado could be dirty…

Alex Rodriguez admitted last week he cheated like a Three-Card Monte dealer from 2001 to 2003 as a Texas Ranger. He was the AL MVP in ’03, stealing it from then-Toronto Blue Jay Carlos Delgado, who finished second. Just to recap: He cheated. He admitted it.

Yeah, he admitted it — after his name was leaked, Edward R. Murrow. So before you go handing over hardware to the “more deserving,” Reilly, you might want to be sure that their names aren’t on that list of 103 as well. That way, you won’t look like a bigger ass than you already are.

Cam Martin also writes for CBS Sports and Comcast SportsNet New England.

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3 Responses to “Boy, Rick Reilly sure seems to know who did and didn’t take steroids”
  1. As a Mariner fan, I have long been suspicious of Beltre’s one great season just before he became a free agent. As a baseball fan, I am eternally suspicious of Pujols’s greatness. Luis Gonzalez seems the most obvious case this side of Brady Anderson. But if we can’t go on suspicions–and we can’t–what should we do with admitted or proven cheaters? The Olympics would strip them of their medals. And who would say that’s unjust? Does anyone really think Marion Jones still deserves to have her gold medals? The big PR problem for MLB is that the testing playing field is no longer level: by virtue of the Mitchell Report and various leaks, some players are subject to greater scrutiny than others. Anyway, I offer no conclusions except to agree with you assessment that Reilly is a fool.

  2. jt26 says:

    Baseball used to be such a great game.

    Now it is just boring and filled with millionaire cheaters like A-Tool and writers
    like the Queen Mother Riley.

    Totally suck-tastic.

  3. Dirty Water says:

    That is an awful comment by Reilly — accusing a player never implicated. It should not matter what his belief is, if he ain’t got facts he should not accuse.

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