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May 7, 2007 at 10:36 pm ET
Brewers Kicking, Inspecting Ass

Nothings sells tickets like a finger in the anus!The National League is abuzz over the early performance of the 22-10 Milwaukee Brewers. Apparently, they’re not satisfied to kick ass, they want to be elbow deep in it. The Crew is offering free rectal exams at Miller Park on Tuesday, giving free tickets to men who let Freddie Fingers touch their anus. They need promotions to get folks to the park with the Nationals in town, but I’m not sure Dr. Feely is going to pack the house. You’d think they could at least do this on “seat cushion night.”

For some reason, this event also seems to be sponsored by a local television station. If you like reality television, you’ll love watching Bob Uecker take a lubed finger in the cornhole! And why does it have to be done in their 39-foot RV? I know all the skyboxes aren’t rented for this game, why not bring ‘em a little closer to the action. I’m sure there’s extra anal lube in the clubhouse. One thing’s for sure, Luis Castillo has never been happier to be in Minnesota.

The press release says, “screening will be conducted by…physicians and other experts…” Other experts? Besides a doctor, who else would be qualified to inspect the interior of an ass inside a bus? Milwaukee’s last “mystery guest” was the headliner at the 100th anniversary celebration for Harley Davidson. Must I remind everyone who that turned out to be?

This promotion highlights the difference in ownership for the Brewers. Bud Selig was bending over Milwaukee fans for years; at least this time they asked.

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5 Responses to “Brewers Kicking, Inspecting Ass”
  1. Jason says:

    Someone deserves a medal for that post title.

  2. Michael says:

    Imagine the jokes if the Angels were in town and Bartolo Colon was pitching.

  3. arlopop says:

    this adds a whole dimension to the term 7th inning stretch.

  4. chuckk says:

    Was this promotion made aware to the people at ESPN? I’m hoping it was, because maybe 3 fingers in Stewart Scott’s ass would make the whole network realize that the Brewers are the best team in baseball and are worth more than just a 1-minute blurb while Roger Clemens gets 15 minutes worth of coverage in each program.

  5. c-russ says:

    adam… again, props. fart jokes in my mind reign supreme, but this is a close second. well done.

    we might as well have something in common this year. eff the brewers.

    to ricky weeks eating the corn out of my sh-t,

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