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June 4, 2008 at 6:05 pm ET
Bugs and Cranks Top 30 – Week 10: Let Them Eat Devil’s Food Cake

We’ve spent the last week scouring the writings of Nostradamus, searching for some sort of clue to this strange occurrence.  Is it the apocalypse or is it just indigestion?  For the second week in a row, the (Devil) Rays are the best team in baseball.  People in Chicago may have a problem with that, but let us remind you that you are in the National (Joke) League.

Even though the Red Sox will likely by teaching the Rays a lesson in humility as you read this, the Tampa Tarpons, a team that has never even had a winning season (the Rays, not the Tarpons.  Tarpons is the throw-back jersey for the Rays, for those of you who are not a part of their 14,671 member fan base), are at the top of Mount Olympus for the second straight week.  Good Grief.

This week’s voting: conducted via secret ballot, written in invisible ink, and tallied by a blind man with no arms; was done by a panel made up of Rockies writer Mark Townsend, Mets writer Brad Bortone, and the usual 4 of Chalk, Hulkower, Kyte, and Robotto.

Enjoy the show….

2008 Bugs & Cranks Top 30
Rank Team Comments Pvs Change
1 The Devil Rays are bigger than Jesus. 1 -
2 Look out! Their spastic Colon dropped the deuce and went to 3-0. 2 -
3 How many teams could sign a crippled Jim Edmonds to fix a center field spot and actually improve? 4 +1
4 If their only consistent hitter is Casey Kotchman, they won’t be here a month from now. 3 -1
5 How does a team full of spare parts perform so well.  This is more confusing than 2006. 10 +5
6 Only as good as their best blogger. 12 +6
7 When Ozzie doesn’t make an ass of himself regularly, you know the team is good. 8 +1
8 Vernon Wells hasn’t played in a month, but still leads the team in RBIs. 11 +3
9 Like Tom Petty, Free Fallin’ 6 -3
10 Easily the best major league baseball team in Houston. 9 -1
11 Didn’t Brandon Webb have ten wins a month ago?  Not a good sign. 5 -6
12 Worst case scenario in Milwaukee: Two run Brewers lead in the ninth. 20 +8
13 Hey, Livan is our best clutch performer.  Let’s trade him! 15 +2
14 Rich Harden looks unhittable, which means he’ll sign elsewhere and collapse soon enough. 7 -7
15 Ryan Church with a concussion is more valuable than the rest of the outfield. 17 +2
16 Wow — two innings of Joba at the beginning of the game isn’t as effective as an inning or two at the end, so we rejoin “Banana Hammocks and Porn ‘Staches: The Jason Giambi Story” already in progress…. 21 +5
17 We don’t remember reading about St. Bruce the Messiah in Sunday School. 24 +7
18 It would be a disservice to baseball if a guy named “Chipper” hit .400. What kind of stupid name is Chipper?! 13 -5
19 Can Josh Hamilton pitch….everyday? 22 +3
20 Responded to Arizona’s recent struggles by playing slightly less crappy than they have thus far this season. But only slightly. 14 -6
21 The team’s ERA resembles a good credit score. 18 -3
22 Steve Trachsel can’t seem to live up to the O’s lofty pitching standards. 19 -3
23 Free showings of “Major League” are outdrawing the Tribe. 16 -7
24 Maggs is on eBay for a $19.95 opening bid. 23 -1
25 Watching Dmitri Young play first base is like watching ___________________________ (Submit your answers in the comment section) 25 -
26 Stolen base kings! Too bad they can’t steal wins. 27 +1
27 KC Royals I don’t think anything in baseball is more demeaning than getting demoted to KC’s AAA team. 26 -1
28 It took a complete collapse by the Rox to catapult the Pods out of the cellar. 29 +1
29 The Baseball Gods have a way of getting even.  It’s called regression to the mean. 28 -1
30 Ichiro was spotted kicking a puppy outside Safeco. A puppy. 30 -
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6 Responses to “Bugs and Cranks Top 30 – Week 10: Let Them Eat Devil’s Food Cake”
  1. Carlos says:

    Watching Dmitri Young play first base is like watching ___________________________

    David Chalk eat a cheeseburger.

  2. Watching Dmitri Young play first base is like watching…a man getting his headed pounded into the mat by James Thompson.

    Good job with placing the Phillies nine spots ahead of the Mets.

  3. Robert says:

    I knew that quiet, mild-mannered Japanese man was a problem…

  4. gonzo says:

    I love that banner with Chalk. Priceless.

  5. Shaun says:

    KC has a triple A team? I thought KC was Atlanta’s triple A team.

  6. babaoje says:

    If the Rays get swept by the Sox for the second straight time, can we finally stop putting them at the top of the list, sure they have lots of wins, but they also haven’t had a real west coast road trip and have only played the much stronger top to bottom central division half as much as the rest of the league.

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