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June 18, 2008 at 10:56 am ET
Bugs and Cranks Top 30: Week 12 –

You are looking live at the lively prose of The Bugs & Cranks Top 30 displayed on a computer screen through a miraculous invention called the internets.

If you’re one of the hundreds of good people who check in with us each and every week, we admire and appreciate your dedication, devotion, and literacy.

If you’re new to the Bugs & Cranks Top 30, where’ve you been? Here’s a brief overview of the feature: we take at least three brilliant human baseball minds — this week, it’s regular moderators E. Spencer Kyte, David I. Chalk and Stephen A. Hulkower — and combine their knowledge with the unparalleled analysis of our robot companion, Robotto Clemente. The result is a 100% accurate ranking of all 30 MLB teams, complete with insightful and/or amusing commentary.

This proved a little more difficult this week as Robotto Clemente listened to this podcast and decided he wanted to be more like the Drunk Jays Fans — without actually having to like the Blue Jays, of course. We were this close to calling A&E’s intervention, but a breakthrough seemed to be reached when we told him he was starting to become a bad Bender caricature.

But that’s what we do here at The Bugs & Cranks Top 30. We man up, we respond to any and all adversity, we drink, we have interventions, and we return every week to enlighten and entertain you, the reading public.

So, without further ado: read, public, read….

2008 Bugs & Cranks Top 30
Rank Team Comments Pvs Change
1 Pardon us for a second, but… GO CELTICS!!!!!!!!! 1 -
2 Devil, Devil, Devil, Devil, Devil, Devil!!!! We’re trying to summon the crap team of the past. 2 -
3 +3 run differential is disturbing for a team with this kind of pitching staff. 4 +1
4 Best record in baseball. Absolutely meaningless. 3 -1
5 As good as it gets? 9 +4
6 I know a couple guys who injured their Pujols too… said it hurt pretty bad. 7 +1
7 Sadly, Ozzie’s tirades do not scare off the injury bug. When you’re looking to a guy who couldn’t cut it in Pittsburgh, you know you’re pressing a little. 6 -1
8 With the addition of The Pink Ape Man, they will probably win at least one playoff game this year. 5 -3
9 Now more exciting than $1 Hot Dog Night. Barely. 8 -1
10 [Insert Wang joke here] 13 +3
11 Early reports suggest Sherrill will use his right arm in an effort to relieve the stress on his left from overuse.  Whether that statement is about pitching is up to you. 15 +4
12 Patience is for people who accept mediocrity. This team needs a shake-up. 10 -2
13 Ricky Nolasco was named NL Co-Player of the Week. Bet you don’t know which team he co-plays for and what position he co-plays. 11 -2
14 This is what happens when the rest of your division absolutely sucks. You play your games in a stupor because you know the playoffs are a certainty. 14 -
15 This is what happens when two of your starters are 90-years-old. In all fairness though, who could have foreseen Mike Hampton would be hurt? 18 +3
16 Landon is doing stories on Juan Berenguer. What does that tell you about this year’s Twinkies? 16 -
17 Finally attacking foes like that Tiger did Siegfried… or was it Roy? 25 +8
18 Nate McLouth still leads the team in home runs. 17 -1
19 Darn you American League! 12 -7
20 More entertaining during a rain delay than the Angels during a game. 19 -1
21 Dear Cleveland, Please do not trade Captain Cheeseburger to the Yankees. Sincerely, New York Fast Food Vendors Local 295 22 +1
22 Cincinnati: other team’s losing streaks stop here. 20 -2
23 Everybody thinks the Mets handled the Willie firing terribly, but if you’re gonna get fired, where would you rather be than in Anaheim? Time to get piss drunk at Disneyland! 24 +1
24 Who did Brad Penny break up with now that has him pitching like shit again? And how does Brad Penny get so many hot chicks? 21 -3
25 Elijah Dukes is starting to hit and has made up with manager Manny Acta — still plenty of time to finish ahead of the Mets. 27 +2
26 Who are some of these guys? John Bowker… Eugelio Velez… Dan Ortmier… If we made one of those names up, would anyone know? 23 -3
27 KC Royals I betcha Trey Hillman wishes he was still fighting ham in Japan instead of blowing goats in Kansas City! 29 +2
28 My favorite bar activity? Getting loaded with the boys and going out to Chase Headley. 26 -2
29 Good news: Tulo is back soon. Bad news: The season is already over. 28 -1
30 Whatever. 30 -
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5 Responses to “Bugs and Cranks Top 30: Week 12 –”
  1. Adam C says:

    Just trying to figure out the justification of the Rays being 8 teams better than the Yankees. Am I the only one that has noticed that the Rays have been digressing? Over their last 30=18-12; 20=12-8; and 15=8-7. To me, that’s enough justification to drop them out of the top 5.

    And even worse than that, how can the Cubs be 2 teams worse than the Rays when the Cubs’ win percentage has increased .46 over their last 20 compared to the Rays’ percentage dropping .20 over their last 20?

    Isn’t the point of “updating” this list to analyze teams to determine who is best right now, taking into consideration how they’ve done all season? It doesn’t matter that the Cubs’ record is meaningless, because they’re still playing teams with professional athletes, and such a big disparity in recent success between them and the Rays as of late should account for more than you’ve shown.

    And the Rays hype rolls on…

  2. Chalk says:

    I can’t speak for Steve, Spencer or Robotto, but if anything we have the Devil Rays too low and the Yankees too high.

    The D-Rays are still tied in the loss column for first place in the best division in baseball.

    They have played they toughest schedule in baseball.

    In the past two weeks, 5 of those 7 Devil Rays loses came on the road to the Red Sox and Angels. While the Yankees were busy splitting a series at home with the Royals.

    Call it hype if you want, but it is most certainly justified.

  3. Adam C says:

    I wouldn’t have a problem with dropping the Yankees, but there’s no way in hell the Rays are the number 2 team in all of baseball right now. They lost 2 out of 3 to the Angels, 2 out of 3 to the Marlins, won 2 out of 3 against Texas, and got swept in 3 games against Boston. They won 4 out of 12 games and you’re saying that’s better than the Yankees sweeping the Astros in 3, beating the A’s 2 out of 3, splitting 4 games with the Royals, and taking 2 out of 3 from the Jays? If you see justification after that, your justifier needs some serious tweaking, especially if your justifier thinks that getting swept in 3 games by the team in first by a total run score of 26-10 means they’re more capable of beating that team than anyone else in the league.

  4. Spencer Kyte says:

    Speaking for Spencer, he had the Cubs ranked #1 – where they should be – and the Rays somewhere around 5, where they should be.

    Kindest Regards,

  5. David Chalk David Chalk says:

    A.C. — actually the Devil Rays took 2 out of 3 from the Marlins. And now they’ve won the first two games against the Cubs. Which is the third straight series in which they’ve won the first 2 games.

    Of the 4 teams you mention the Yankees playing, only one is above .500 — only one of the 4 teams you mention the Devil Rays playing is below .500.

    As to your argument that rankings should somehow only be based on the previous two week’s results and should disregard the quality of opponents, that sounds like Hank talk to me.

    And for the record, my votes are always based on examining four distinct time periods — the past, the recent past, the present, and the future.

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