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July 31, 2008 at 2:03 am ET
Bugs and Cranks Top 30: Week 18

Welcome back to the Bugs & Cranks Top 30 for Week 18 of the season. If you’ve come looking for insight and intelligence, you’ve couldn’t possibly have come to a more righter place.

After the quasi-hiatus of last week’s advice week special, the team of David Chalk, Steve Hulkower, Spencer Kyte, and Robotto Clemente have gotten back to business as usual. Our business, for those of you just joining us, is the nearly infallible ranking of all 30 MLB teams (hence, Top 30), presented with the funniest crap about each team that we could think of without getting cramps in the summer heat.


2008 Bugs & Cranks Top 30
Rank Team Comments Pvs Change
1 Tampa residents are looking at the standings and fearing that they’ve become dyslexic. 1 -
2 Frankie Says Relax. 2 -
3 Seriously, you can’t defeat a team powered by a rally Monkey? Not even once? 3 -
4 Did J-Renn just say Ozzie Guillen will win the Heisman? 4 -
5 The only way the Twins can keep ahead of Farnsworth and the Tigers is to trade for Scott Proctor. Is he still in LA? 5 -
6 How heartbreaking would it be if the Cubbies didn’t actually tank and still lost the division? Winning 3 straight against Mil is nice though. 6 -
7 Recent additions have them looking very dangerous. How many people think we’re referring to Ray Durham? 8 +1
8 We didn’t even know I-Rod was still playing. 7 -1
9 It’s going to take a lot more than a nine game winning streak to make us forget last September. 12 +3
10 If it weren’t for the Angels, the entire state of California would just generally suck at baseball. 10 -
11 Joe Blanton? Really? 13 +2
12 Just like the Leafs, they’ve made one of their stars untradeable so that they can get nothing for him after the season. Awesome! 14 +2
13 Hank Blalock isn’t even as structurally sound as the $17 dollar table we bought at IKEA. 11 -2
14 83 wins isn’t going to get it done this year. 9 -5
15 If you can’t win with Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle, what choice do you have but to bring in Kyle Farnsworth? 15 -
16 Wake us up when this game of musical chairs is over. 16 -
17 Way better than most people think, despite their record on Sundays. 17 -
18 KC Royals David DeJesus is playing his way out of town. He’s just too good for this team. 20 +2
19 Please acquire more players with excellent beards. 19 -
-20 Brandon Phillips – Grand Theft Base Hit. (Somehow, there is no clip of the Phillips backhanded toss to Votto on the web…) 18 -2
21 At least they’re above .500 21 -
22 They have some problems. (…. Robots suck, but jokes about NASA are awesome!) 22 -
23 Disappointing is an adjective. And an understatement. 24 +1
24 Jeff Karstens looks like most Penguins fans. 23 -1
25 That .400 talk sure dried up fast. 25 -
26 Whatever. 26 -
27 Their last day of significance is Thursday’s trade deadline. 28 +1
28 What a Putz. 27 -1
29 LoDuca thinks his lack of starts hurts his value, but it’s actually his lack of value that’s affecting his starts. 29 -
30 Even God can’t help the Padres score runs. And by God we mean Barry Bonds. Just Kidding, we actually mean God, the almighty supreme being with absolute power, who despite this power can’t help the Padres score runs. It’s that bad. 30 -
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5 Responses to “Bugs and Cranks Top 30: Week 18”
  1. Adam C says:

    I would love to hear the justification for Sunrays over Angels – from someone other than Chalk. I doubt there is anyone, because no logical person would have put them up there.

  2. Adam C says:

    “presented with the funniest crap about each team that we could think of without getting cramps in the summer heat.”

    Never mind. I get it now. It was meant as a joke.

  3. BigReg1544 says:

    Ah thats much better. I can chuckle again. Stupid Barry Bonds week last week.

  4. BigReg1544 says:

    much better insight (nonsense) and intelligence (Funny S*it) this week

  5. Robotto says:

    Adam C, thank you for your inquiry. Your objection does not compute. I will attempt to explain in as simple a way as my programming allows. Tampa — toughest strength of schedule of any contending team. Tampa — 4-2 this year head-to-head with the Angels. Tampa — plays in a division with the Sox, Yankees, Blue Jays; Angels — in a division with the A’s, Rangers, and Mariners. Logical.

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