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July 9, 2008 at 11:16 pm ET
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Bugs & Cranks Top 30: Week 15

We here at the always ahead of the curve Bugs & Cranks Top 30 might point out again that The Top 30 was the first internet power rankings to recognize that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays were the best team in baseball.

But we shan’t.

Not because we’re afraid someone might call us “pompous, spoiled, arrogant”. Oh no, our peerless accuracy has long ago allowed us to turn a deaf ear to naysayers.

No, it’s because this week the spotlight should belong to Mr. Gilbert Quinonez, who finally makes his long-awaited Top 30 debut.

Top 30 regulars Spencer Kyte, Steve Hulkower, Robotto Clemente and David Chalk have long been associated in the minds of many with “GQ” — now, at long last, GQ has come to The Top 30.

As always, enjoy in responsible moderation and in accordance with the Bugs & Cranks Code Of Fan Conduct…..

2008 Bugs & Cranks Top 30
Rank Team Comments Pvs Change
1 Don’t Call It A Miracle — The Devil Rays Are Bigger Than Jesus. 1 -
2 Seven All-stars, seven losses behind the Devil Rays in the AL East. We swear it was seven when we wrote this. 2 -
3 Props to K-Rod. Aren’t contract years great? 3 -
4 Even if they win it all this year, the story will still be about the Cubs. Accept it now folks. 4 -
5 What will Johan’s reaction be when the Twins play in October and the Mets don’t? 6 +1
6 Even though they’re the best team in the National League, everyone and their mothers still expect them to fail. 5 -1
7 Trading Harden isn’t really a big deal. The team can just imagine he’s gone on the DL again. 7 -
8 Invest in Milwaukee Fast Food Joints then pull your money out in three months. Trust us on this one. 11 +3
9 Cynthia Rodriguez will soon make more money than half of the league’s payrolls. 8 -1
10 50 wins already despite injuries and a makeshift rotation. Playoff pedigree makes them dangerous in the second half. 9 -1
11 Andy McPhail has done such a great job with this team so far, why in the name of all things holy would he think of bringing in David eckstein? 12 +1
12 Just a reminder, Milton Bradley’s OPS is 1.037. That’s 4th best, just behind Berkman, Chipper Jones, and Albert Pujols, but man oh man is Josh Hamilton a great story or what! 14 +2
13 Losing three of four at home to the Mets? Whither has the Eye Of The Werewolf gone? 13 -
14 No one should want to play these guys in the second half. 10 -4
15 Spencer’s Prediction: The Jays won’t trade AJ Burnett, then he’ll opt out and leave Toronto with nothing in return. That’s just how it goes in Toronto. 16 +1
16 If you told us they would be anywhere near .500 at the break, we would have called you a lying son-of-a-bitch. But you didn’t, so no apology for you. 18 +2
17 Jerry Manuel fighting Charlie Manuel. Like cleavage, you might go blind if you dwell on that too long. 15 -1
18 In about three weeks, they’ll be playing youngsters at every position and Dusty Baker’s head will explode. Write that down. 25 +7
19 It’s a low blow when a player coming off the DL hurts your team. 23 +4
20 Honestly, does anyone really care about the Astros? 17 -3
21 At least they have a legitimate All-Star this season! 20 -1
22 KC Royals “Representing the Kansas City Royals, largely unknown, highly unrecognizable outstanding reliever sure to be traded to a larger market within three years Joakim Soria.” 22 -
23 Ah the NL West, where having the worst record in baseball over the last two months means you’re still sitting in first place. 18 -5
24 The best Disabled List in baseball. 21 -3
25 At least they improved their average weight this week. Take notes Jenny Craig. 24 -1
26 I wish I had a bag of used balls to offer the M’s for Richie Sexson. Something tells me they would accept the deal and I would have a freakishly tall, poor hitting new best friend. 28 +2
27 Welcome to the Fred Lewis era. 26 -1
28 Tulo cut his hand smashing his bat? Who knew he had that kind of power? 29 +1
29 Things That Make You Go Hmmmm: Cristian Guzman has been compared to Dennis Franz. 27 -2
30 Scott Hairston’s play should be making this team slightly less embarrassing, but it’s counterbalanced by the fact that it’s Scott Hairston . 30 -
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One Response to “Bugs & Cranks Top 30: Week 15”
  1. Adam C says:

    “The Devil Rays Are Bigger Than Jesus.”

    Could be bigger if it wasn’t for that pesky .458 winning percentage against the Yankees and Red Sox. Seems like a prerequisite to being compared to Jesus would be to at least be above .500 against those teams, but that’s just me.

    Another argument against that statement would be that more Rays fans are going on to meet Jesus than are attending their games.

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