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March 12, 2008 at 10:14 pm ET
Devil Ray Town’s Official Statement Regarding Today’s Incident

I won’t hurt myself trying to give you my thoughts on the pathetic actions today of the New York Yankees and Shelley “Duvall” Duncan in particular.

The Mayor Of Devil Ray Town, Cork Gaines of Rays Index has already perfectly captured the feelings of all of Devil Ray Town:

Ahhhh, the Yankees being the Yankees. Whiny little bitches that complain when somebody plays aggressive and then decide to resort to dirty play.

Elliot Johnson makes a clean, albeit aggressive play this past weekend, with absolutely ZERO intention to hurt anybody. A play that several independent respected baseball people (Lou Piniella, Mike Scioscia) called a clean play. And the Yankees decide to throw a sucker-punch, not once, but twice. Phillips intentionally hits Longoria and Duncan intentionally tries to injure Iwamura with his spikes.

Nice. That is nothing but a dirty fucking play. The Phillips pitch I can almost accept. But for Duncan to do what he did and intentionally try to hurt somebody is absolutely uncalled for.

This was absolutely a premeditated act by Duncan. He was out by 15 feet at second base, which means the only reason he went for two was for the purpose of being able to make his ignoramus “statement.”

Duncan deserves a severe suspension and then he needs my foot up his ass.

All I can add to that is that the following Yankees were too scared to come to St. Pete today and back up their little enforcerette:

  • Derek Jeter
  • The Sultan Of Let Down Alex Rodriguez
  • The Shaved Emasculated Shell Of Johnny Damon
  • Jason Giambi
  • Mariano Rivera
  • Mike Mussina
  • Andy Pettitte
  • Phil Hughes
  • Joba Chamberlain
  • Ian Kennedy
  • C. Wang
  • Kyle “I Want To Be A Dentist” Farnsworth
  • Billy Crystal

[list from Peter Abraham]

And one last thing: due to injuries, Elliott Johnson now has a decent shot to make the Opening Day roster as a backup shortstop.

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10 Responses to “Devil Ray Town’s Official Statement Regarding Today’s Incident”
  1. Adam C. says:

    What a whiny bitch of a blog.

  2. Chad says:

    What a great blog!

  3. Rich says:

    Did anyone really see these games? I agree 100% that Shelley’s play was dirty. However, I also feel that Johnson’s play last weekend was unnecessary and uncalled-for. This is baseball; payback happens. Get over it.
    And that pitch from Heath Phillips that hit Evan Longoria? Just because ESPN says beaned doesn’t make it so… It was a graze across the front of the uniform that probably didn’t even touch skin. It was thrown with two runs in, two outs, and two on. Please don’t try to tell me that was intentional. It’s laughable.

  4. David Chalk says:

    It’s spring training, which means nothing to Girardi and the Yankees; so saying the score and the runners on does not mean it wasn’t intentional.

    I agree with the Mayor, both the HBP and the dirty slide Were Intentional. Weakly and poorly executed by a pathetic ballclub that can’t do anything right, but still Intentional.

    Johnson’s play last week was complete necessary and improves his chances of making the team, which were miniscule last week but decent now.

  5. Adam C. says:

    …written by an antagonistic, childish, jealous, whiny bitch.

  6. jon says:

    you know why the good players didn’t come to play the rays?

    cause they’re still the rays.

  7. David Chalk says:

    Adam C. — I don’t mean to come off as antagonistic. I appreciate you sharing your erudition and Shelley Duncan-esque statements.

  8. Adam C. says:

    And thank you for further validating my comments.

  9. David Chalk says:

    Antagonizing the writer is “borderline criminal.”

    Seriously though, Mr. C., I’m curious what exactly you’re objecting to.

  10. Adam C. says:

    No objections here. I was just following your lead – callin’ ‘em like I see ‘em.

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