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May 1, 2008 at 12:39 am ET
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Devil Rays Owner: “We’re Bursting With Meat!”

D-Rays owner Stuart SternbergDevil Rays principal owner Stuart Sternberg was at Wednesday night’s game in Baltimore to watch our boys manhandle the Orioles for our 7th conquest in our last 8 ballgames.

Judging from his comments to The Tampa Tribune‘s Marc Lancaster, Sternberg is somewhere past giddy and possibly delirious about the club’s historic start:

Sternberg said he’s eager to see how the team plays when injured players like LHP Scott Kazmir and DH Cliff Floyd return from the DL over the next few days and weeks.

“I think it’s unfortunate we only have 25 slots,” he said. “When these guys come back, it’s like two pounds of bologna in a one-pound bag.”

That’s a tough problem to have — more meat than slots to stick it in.

And thus a slogan for the Rayvolution was born….

Sternberg also confirmed that he’d be willing to spend money when our Devil Rays are still in the thick of things around the trade deadline — “we’ll do what’s necessary to fill a gap.”

But he wasn’t sure that will be necessary, because he sees how freakin’ awesome our Devil Rays are:

I’ve got to tell you, I think we’ve got all the parts out there. I’m pretty happy with all the parts. The cohesiveness is certainly there, which is nice to see. And we’re poised to win lots of ball games.

How freakin’ Grade A Awesome are our Devil Rays?

Andy Sonnanstine earned his fourth victory with another gem, limiting the O’s to only a single run over 8 innings. He’s the first Devil Ray to ever win four games in the month of April, and is 3-0 with a 1.54 ERA over his last 3 starts.

And it might not be enough to keep him on the rotation, maybe not even on the roster, because of all the great hunks of meat on our Tampa Bay Devil Rays!

With Scott Kazmir returning this weekend, the photogenic Sonnanstine (4-1, 4.42 ERA) may be the odd man out of the rotation because IMOA Edwin Jackson (2-2, 3.86) and Jason Hammel (2-2, 4.88) are both out of options.

And, I realize we won by a touchdown, but guess who drove in the game-winning run for the third time in 7 games?

Shitske!

Shitske crushed a ball way over the right field scoreboard. The two-run shot was his 6th homer of the year, tying him with EGDC Carlos Pena for the club lead. Shitske also drew threw walks in the game.

***

And because we love the stats here at Bugs & Cranks, I feel obliged to point out that, yes, this is my fourth consecutive post primarily based on dick and/or ball jokes. I only have to keep it up for 53 more and I think mlb.com owes me $10,000 or something. And if any MLB investigators are reading, you know that thing about A-Rod watching his wife give birth in Miami last week? He was picking up steroids! Miami is where he gets his steroids, and occasionally his HGH too, although usually he gets his HGH in Detroit while giving alcohol to small children.

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One Response to “Devil Rays Owner: “We’re Bursting With Meat!””
  1. Adam C. says:

    “two pounds of bologna in a one-pound bag”

    I thought that was a metaphor for a woman with a big ass sporting pants for a little ass. Maybe he was referring to Kazmir’s fan club?

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