For the first time in his 14-year career, Derek Jeter will not be participating in postseason baseball. Given that, Ă˘â‚¬Ĺ“The CaptainĂ˘â‚¬Âť will have to find some alternative diversions this October. To that end, weĂ˘â‚¬â„˘ve put together a daily itinerary of suggested activities, in hopes of helping the future Hall of Famer negotiate this difficult time in his life.
September 28th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Play out the string at Fenway Park.
September 29th-October 3rd Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Attend Oktoberfest in Germany.
October 4th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Celebrate the release of actor Terrence HowardĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s debut album, Shine Through It, at JoeĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s Pub on Lafayette Street in New York City. 7:30 p.m.
October 5th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Watch the Giants play the Seahawks at Giants Stadium. 1 p.m. start.
October 6th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Consult personal black book, then fly to New Orleans to see the Vikings play the Saints.
October 7th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Sleep in, ice blue balls. Drink two Hurricanes at RickĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s Cabaret and then fly back to NYC.
October 8th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś See Rocknrolla, Guy RitchieĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s new crime caper, starring Tom Wilkinson, Gerard Butler and Thandie Newton.
October 9th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Attend reading by New York Times media columnist and former crack addict David Carr, as he shares excerpts from his memoir, The Night of the Gun. 7 p.m. at Barnes & Noble on East 17th Street.
October 10th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś See Body of Lies, Ridley ScottĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s film about a secretive hunt for an Al Qaeda leader.
October 11th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Turn on National League Championship Series and listen to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver; ask no one in particular, Ă˘â‚¬Ĺ“How the fuck do people put up with these douche mongers?Ă˘â‚¬Âť
October 12th-15th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Vacation in Mexico with Jason Giambi, Johnny Damon and DamonĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s wifeĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s stripper friends.
October 16th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś See W, Oliver StoneĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s look at our current president.
October 17th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Organize cache of memorabilia stolen from Yankee Stadium.
October 18th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Watch Michigan play Penn State, 4:30 p.m.
October 19th-21st Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Campaign for Barack Obama.
Oct. 21st-22nd Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Campaign for John McCain.
Oct. 23th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art and appreciate Ă˘â‚¬Ĺ“Landscapes Clear and Radiant: The Art of Wang Hui (1632-1717).Ă˘â‚¬Âť
Oct. 24th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Visit the Museum of Sex and appreciate Ă˘â‚¬Ĺ“The Sex of Lives of Animals,Ă˘â‚¬Âť where Rune OlsenĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s five life-size animal sculptures examine various aspects of animal lust in the museumĂ˘â‚¬â„˘s first exhibition to explore nonhuman sexuality. (233 Fifth Avenue at 27th Street).
October 25th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Attend Halloween party in the East Village dressed as typical A-rod girlfriend.
October 26th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Punch out first person who tells him the Red Sox just won the World Series.
October 27th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Post bail.
October 28th- Oct.30th Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Avoid public eye.
October 31st Ă˘â‚¬â€ś Go on Larry King Live.