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September 12, 2008 at 10:39 pm ET
How Derek Jeter can spend October

What should the Captain do?For the first time in his 14-year career, Derek Jeter will not be participating in postseason baseball. Given that, “The Captain” will have to find some alternative diversions this October. To that end, we’ve put together a daily itinerary of suggested activities, in hopes of helping the future Hall of Famer negotiate this difficult time in his life.

September 28th – Play out the string at Fenway Park.

September 29th-October 3rd – Attend Oktoberfest in Germany.

October 4th – Celebrate the release of actor Terrence Howard’s debut album, Shine Through It, at Joe’s Pub on Lafayette Street in New York City. 7:30 p.m.

October 5th – Watch the Giants play the Seahawks at Giants Stadium. 1 p.m. start.

October 6th – Consult personal black book, then fly to New Orleans to see the Vikings play the Saints.

October 7th – Sleep in, ice blue balls. Drink two Hurricanes at Rick’s Cabaret and then fly back to NYC.

October 8th – See Rocknrolla, Guy Ritchie’s new crime caper, starring Tom Wilkinson, Gerard Butler and Thandie Newton.

October 9th – Attend reading by New York Times media columnist and former crack addict David Carr, as he shares excerpts from his memoir, The Night of the Gun. 7 p.m. at Barnes & Noble on East 17th Street.

October 10th – See Body of Lies, Ridley Scott’s film about a secretive hunt for an Al Qaeda leader.

October 11th – Turn on National League Championship Series and listen to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver; ask no one in particular, “How the fuck do people put up with these douche mongers?”

October 12th-15th – Vacation in Mexico with Jason Giambi, Johnny Damon and Damon’s wife’s stripper friends.

October 16th – See W, Oliver Stone’s look at our current president.

October 17th – Organize cache of memorabilia stolen from Yankee Stadium.

October 18th – Watch Michigan play Penn State, 4:30 p.m.

October 19th-21st – Campaign for Barack Obama.

Oct. 21st-22nd – Campaign for John McCain.

Oct. 23th – Visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art and appreciate “Landscapes Clear and Radiant: The Art of Wang Hui (1632-1717).”

Oct. 24th – Visit the Museum of Sex and appreciate “The Sex of Lives of Animals,” where Rune Olsen’s five life-size animal sculptures examine various aspects of animal lust in the museum’s first exhibition to explore nonhuman sexuality. (233 Fifth Avenue at 27th Street).

October 25th – Attend Halloween party in the East Village dressed as typical A-rod girlfriend.

October 26th – Punch out first person who tells him the Red Sox just won the World Series.

October 27th – Post bail.

October 28th- Oct.30th – Avoid public eye.

October 31st – Go on Larry King Live.

Cam Martin also writes for CBS Sportsline and Comcast SportsNet New England.

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15 Responses to “How Derek Jeter can spend October”
  1. coops2001 says:

    Or just continue to date models and actresses.

  2. Do models and actresses date shortstops from fourth-place teams? I guess we’ll find out.

  3. Adam C says:

    What Cameron Martin will do after the Sox lose in the first round of the playoffs:

    1. Spend even more time thinking about Derek Jeter.

  4. What Adam C and every Yankee fan will do when reading this “article”
    1. Bristle and get pissy.

  5. Adam C says:

    Actually, I’m foot loose and fancy free, as Curt Schilling would say, but thanks for asking. I just thought that since only one or two were actually funny, I’d rather make fun of you than give you a compliment. You do, after all, speak a lot about Derek Jeter and the Yankees; therefore, you must think a lot about Derek Jeter and the Yankees. The funny thing about that is that you’re not a Yankees fan.

  6. Indeed I’m not a Yankee fan. But since you are, feel free to use the itinerary for your own personal use, since you, like Jeter, will have plenty of free time on your hands next month.

  7. Model and actress says:

    I would date Derek whether he was on a 4th place team or retired. I would never date Pedroia, or Cora or most of the Sox even with a WS ring.

  8. coops2001 says:

    “Do models and actresses date shortstops from fourth-place teams? I guess we’ll find out.”

    Joe Dimaggio dated and married Marilyn Monroe after he left the Yankees, so I guess if you have the fame and the fortune, everything else seems to follow, date-wise. I hardly thing models and actresses, not exactly the target audience of Bugandcrags.com, would turn down a $189M ballplayer who dated maria Carey because his team finished forth, had a low range to game ration, OBP is down, etc. The women Jeter dates aren’t sabermetrics type. But hey, I’m just saying.

    Here’s a link to a picture of Derek Jeter working on his range in the post season, as assisted by Jessica Biel:

  9. STD carrier says:

    I think Jetes and I are a perfect match. I’ve writing him for months letting him know of our similarities.

  10. Adam C says:

    I dressed as a typical Arod girlfriend last Halloween, and as tempting as it sounds to hang out with Damon’s wife’s stripper friends, I don’t think my wife is into the whole “swinging” thing. I think I’ll just have to settle for watching football.

  11. FrankDiscussion says:

    As long as he doesn’t do anymore of those annoying commercials for the Ford “Edge” I’ll be fine… YES beats those to death during a game.

  12. Adam C says:

    “Do models and actresses date shortstops from fourth-place teams? I guess we’ll find out.”

    I just saw some pictures of some of the Red Sox wives at a charity event. Apparently models and actresses (or even remotely attractive women) don’t date players from teams with 2 world series rings. I figure it’s either due to the 21st century female, or because they play for the Sox. Either way, woof.

  13. Chris Baker says:

    I agree with 12…the fashion show put on by the Red Sox Wives and Girlfriends….did you see Papelbon’s fat woman? Lester’s Sarah Jessica Parker look-alike or Beckett’s gummy homely girlfriend. The woman Jacoby used to date was in the show – all 6s solid.

    I do not know what Arod is thinking with Madonna though. wtf?

  14. Chris Baker says:

    Jacoby “friend” looked like Arod’s Joslyn after she ate some cookies.

  15. Jeter's Tax advisor says:

    Jeter will be looking for the next brunette actress and trying to get away from clingy Minka Kelly. Pretty looks on the same d-list actress seem to fade from the “perfect boy” Jeter. After he infects them with his famous STD he moves to the next not so known actress. Minka’s John Mayer’s leftovers which Jeter prides himself into dating. Other celebrities leftovers who serve great beards or as arm trophy. Poor Minka has already made plans on being Mrs. Derek Jeter, very wealthy, and join his perfect life and the mother of his perfect kids.

    I think he’s saving himself for High School Musical actress, Vanessa Hudgens once she turns 20 years old which will be in about five years or less. Around the same time he “says” he’s ready to settle down. Jeter has to have the perfect looking brunette that looks good on his arm as a trophy girlfriend aka beard. Not to blow his cover and to forget about his steam room romp with Jorge Posada according to the former Yankee employee. After all Jeter’s ma said her boy does “everything” right. Everything!

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