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June 19, 2007 at 9:31 am ET
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Jonny Gomes Gains Entrance To Nickname Club; D-Rays D-Stroy D-Backs 10-2

Jonny Johnson Gomes gets some love after his 2nd-inning home run.Monday in Arizona, Jonny Gomes ignited the Rays offense for the second straight game.

Gomes 2nd-inning solo shot to the pool area put the Rays ahead 2-0, and his RBI double in the 6th stretched the lead to 4-2. He’s still batting over .500 since rejoining the Rays last week, and has homered 4 times in 5 games.

His tremendous performance has earned the greatest honor I can bestow on a ballplayer…

A nickname.

Some previously awarded nicknames:

One of the first and perhaps the most popular:

The Master Of The Modified Circle Change James Shields

Another fan favorite:

El Gato Del Crimen Carlos Pena

More Rays:

The Eraser Al Reyes
The Lethal Weapon Gary Glover
The Italian Stallion Rocco Baldelli
The Diesel Shawn Riggans

Manager “Coach Joe” Maddon

Damn NY/S/W-B Yankmes:

The Shaved Emasculated Shell Of Johnny Damon
Melky White Substance Cabrera
Robinson Can0-for-4
Beefy Brian Bruney
Mike “Halloween” Myers
ChAAse Wright
The Sultan Of Let Down Alex “April-Rod” Rodriguez

Rotten B-Jays:

Roy “Billie” Halladay
The T. O. From The Land Of The Rising Sun Tomo Ohka
The Knuckle-Dragging Bob Knight Of Canada John “General Urko” Gibbons
Jesse “The Body” Litsch
Josh “Fawlty” Towers
Jeremy “Lucy” Accardo

Twins:

Sydney “Super-Size Me” Ponson
Torii “There’s No ii in Team” Hunter

National Leaguers:

Jimmy “The Greek” Rollins
Salomen “Illa Poisoning” Torres
The Man-Faced Assassin Dmitri Young

Fellow Members of the Sporting Press:

John “J-Renn” Renneke
Landon “10,000 Lakes” Evanson
Peter “Parker” Robins-Brown
Patrick “P-Smizzle” Smith

Before revealing the nickname, I want to point out that nickname giving is something that I have a gift for — but in no way should be taken as an endorsement or support for anything that has ever come out of Chris Berman’s mouth ever. Like many things we do here on bugsandcranks, what we lack in originality we make up for with quality.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you…

Jonny Gone Daddy Gomes.

Now I must warn Jonny Gone Daddy Gomes, nee Jonny Johnson Gomes, that with a great nickname comes great responsibility. I’ll feel crappy if you turn up in the papers in a way that makes the opening lines — “Beautiful girl lovely dress / High school smiles oh yes” — well, unfortunate.

Seamless transition: Elijah Dukes did not play in Monday’s game.

***

TMOTMCC (L) & IJ (R) welcome JJGDG to the club.Brendan Harris (nickname pending) is sometimes overshadowed by the rest of the Rays bats, but was a double away from the cycle Monday and is now leading the Rays in batting with a .321 average.

On the mound, Jason Hammels earned his first Major League victory with 2.1 innings of scoreless relief.

Hammels bailed out starter Edwin Iron Jaw Jackson, who left in the 5th with a finger cramp. Hammels also bashed an RBI double to put the Rays up 5-2 in the 6th.

***

The Rays 8-run margin of victory was the largest of the season, surpassing last Monday’s 7-run beatdown of the hated Padres.

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