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Bugs & Cranks
August 20, 2007 at 8:45 pm ET
Meet the Brewers

With the Brewers in a division race, they’re attracting thousands of new fans across the country and bringing dormant locals to embrace their long-suffering team. In a small market with almost all young players, they lack recognizable faces to many fans. Luckily, a place like Bugs & Cranks offers a crossover guide to recognizing the men who have returned hope to the baseball hopeful in the cheese state. Following the tradition of Bugs & Cranks look-alikes, here’s a snappy way to recognize the Brewers.

JJ Hardy = Rob McElhenny

The star of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is a dead ringer for J.J. Hardy. There are a few differences, I mean, the show has put in a couple of good years whereas Hardy was only decent for half a season. (A hat tip to Brewerfan.net)

Corey Hart = Chewbacca

Actually, I think Chewbacca might be better looking. At 6’6, Hart is a gangly dude, but isn’t quite as tall as Chewy who measured in at 7’3. Hart may be angling for a 30-30 season, while Chewy never quite had that kind of speed due to that metal sash he had to wear. Hart sported a beard earlier this season, too, which made this comparison even more striking. Fortunately for our favorite Wookie, he might actually be more articulate in an interview than Hart.

Geoff Jenkins = Brett Favre

This one is fairly obvious and really the only reason that Geoff Jenkins has been allowed to stay in Wisconsin for so long with a huge contract and a swing with more holes than, well, swiss cheese. In Geoff’s defense, I’m fairly certain he could throw less interceptions this season than Favre will. My over/under is at 21. Still, they’re the longest tenured players in the state and before this season the only player whose jersey was more popular at Miller Park than Jenkins’ was Favre’s.

Kevin Mench = Shrek

Another well-documented lookalike, the Shrek-Mench comparisons stem from their giant heads and tiny brains. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen Mench without his hat on, so he may just have little penis-looking ears under there. Some detail-Nazi will probably point out that Mench doesn’t have green skin, but since when did the color of someone’s skin really matter?

Ryan Braun = Kid n’ play

Ryan Braun is the guy that’s been killing your fantasy league and you have no idea who he is. If, you’re like, oh, 95% of people that read sports blogs, you’re a twentysomething guy you assuredly remember Kid n’ Play, the rapping, house partying duo from the 90’s pop culture scene. Well, Ryan Braun is a dead ringer for Kid. Just think of that tragic day when you saw Kid after he’d shaved his trademark 10-gallon hardo…I still cry.

(A big hat tip to my friend Becky for this one!)

Prince Fielder = Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

All on the Field thinks Prince is a ringer for Jerome Bettis, but I think I can do one better. Either way, if Prince charging down the third base line and I’m a catcher, I’m headed for the on-deck circle. Prince is much more jovial than the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, but without proton packs, I’m not going anywhere near either of them.

Tony Graffanino = Daniel Negreanu

Is it possible that a utility infielder and world poker superstar could actually be the same person? I think Tony is hitting the big money poker tour in his spare time. I mean, when people aren’t making raps about him and he’s not busy hitting a blistering .238. Poker guru Dan Negreanau might be able to hit .238 come to think of it. He’s already got the sunglasses for the job and no one can spell his name, either. (A hat tip to Al for this one)

Derrick Turnbow = A Slightly Less Evolved Primate

Turnbow sort of looks like the guy that sleeps under the 6th street bridge, but the fine folks at Thunder Matt’s Saloon pointed out this glaring similarity. I don’t know what kind of monkey/baboon/primate that is (on the right), but for the sake of sensationalism let’s call him the T-bowilla. The difference is that the Turnbow gets paid to throw shit…the baboon just does it for fun. Oh, and the baboon can actually throw his shit for strikes.

Ben Sheets = Billy Idol

Billy Idol certainly outdoes Sheets in durability, with hit records lasting for decades while the delicate Sheets can’t finish a season without three trips to the DL. Billy’s an English badass that snorts coke by the kilogram and bangs high school chicks and their mothers. Sheets goes on the DL with a sprained finger. I guess sometimes looks are all people have in common. Right!

Brewers Postseason Hopes Lookalike

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16 Responses to “Meet the Brewers”
  1. Not a Brewers fan, but a pretty cool post.

  2. Steve says:

    Did you put together this entire post just so you could compare the Brewers’ postseason chances to a sinking ship?

  3. David Chalk says:

    The punchline was certainly worth it. The only way it could possibly have been better would have been if you could have made the sinking ship sinking into YELLOW water, to look like, oh, I don’t know, liquid sunshine or something.

  4. Paul says:

    Man, “Ryan” is going to love this post

  5. Kid A says:

    You missed the Haley Joel Osment/JJ hardy look alike… and Billy Hall/Don Cheadle

  6. JLime says:

    how about khalil greene and jeff spicoli (sean penn)?

  7. Billy Goat says:

    Your allegiance bleeds blue and red – enjoy your ‘rebuilding’ while you watch the Crew in Wrigley North this October.

  8. Fud says:

    It looks like Rob McElhenny has a little Chewy in him too!

  9. jenkins isnt close to the most popular jersey besides favre

    how many QB’s have the bears had through favres tenure by the way

  10. Polish Sausage says:

    Our rebuilding? hmmm… I don’t think you can officially Call Miller Park Wrigley North until will are forced to install large nets to catch falling concrete. Tear it Down already!!

  11. Nicky says:

    i am in milwaukee, love the crew, and i found the sinking ship hilarious. I bet ned yost is sitting on shore or on the decks with that same stupid stare he has during games. i want to yell through the t.v….. NED! THERES A GAME GOING ON! Ned must go.

  12. Steve Bartman says:

    good thing for the brewers they’re in a race with the perennial chokers known as the cubs. otherwise the sinking ship would be a reality.

    say hi to rex.

  13. Kerry Wood says:

    Steve Bartman! I’m your biggest fan!

  14. Josh says:

    Also, you missed Rickie Weeks=young Willis from diff’rent strokes

  15. Rick says:

    What about Bill Hall & President Wayne Palmer from 24?

  16. Savannah says:


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