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June 29, 2008 at 7:44 pm ET
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Orioles Center Fielder: “Call Me Pacman”

It’s time to turn the page.

So thinks Orioles center fielder and super prospect Adam Jones, who stated in a press conference yesterday that going forward he would prefer to be addressed by the nickname “Pacman.”

“It’s a perception thing,” said Jones, who has frequently been referred to by the Baltimore media as “accountable” “humble,” and “morally upstanding.” “Things just can’t keep going on like this. I’m not proud of the way I’ve behaved since breaking into the league, and the new name is meant to signify the changes I know I have to make.”

This season, Jones is the only player on the Orioles roster to play in every game, a feat largely attributable to his behavior off the field. He is known to head straight home after games, eschew alcohol in favor of fruit juice, and bring his wife and childhood sweetheart, Pamela with him on every road trip.

“It’s hard to be around him sometimes,” said teammate Aubrey Huff. “Last month after a game in Texas, I brought a stripper into the clubhouse. She was really hot, and a bunch of us broke out some body paint and were decorating her ass. Adam just kinda sat there at his locker, looking at the floor, blushing. It was really awkward.”

Becoming comfortable around strippers appears to be among Jones’s new goals. He approached a clubhouse attendant before last night’s game, asking him to cash several hundred dollar bills into ones. In between innings that night, cameras caught him in the dugout with his eyes closed, mouthing to himself.

“Usually, when I’m about to hit, I try to visualize the at-bat, what the pitcher is going to throw me and how I can respond, Jones said.” Last night, I was just trying to ignore the game and picture myself in the strip club later. I just kept saying ‘I will make it rain…I will make it rain…I will make it rain.’ Adam Jones would worry about whether or not he was going to see a fastball or curveball with a 1-1 count. Pacman Jones worries about how good he’s gonna look in his new clothes, and how much love the ladies are gonna throw his way at the club.”

Financial documents also indicate that Jones’s commitment to change isn’t just talk. He’s already begun funneling funds from personal charity, Pacman’s Posse (formerly Adam’s Army), an organization meant to provide baseball equipment to underprivileged youth in his hometown of San Diego, into his personal bank account. In addition, he has stopped reporting all memorabilia income on his federal taxes.

Jones apologized that he did not have time to fully address his new monetary developments, saying he was already late to meet a guy in an alley to buy an illicit firearm.

As he left the Orioles stadium, he was approached by a young fan looking for an autograph. Out of habit, Jones stopped, dropped down on one knee to address the youngster and began to feeling his pockets for a pen. Midway through the encounter however, he caught himself repeating old habits. Jones immediately leapt to his feet and began storm away, turning back only after he was at a safe distance to snarl, “kid, stay the hell away from Pacman!”

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