Some people just get better bang for their buck, and for the former All-Stars, MVPs, Cy Young winners and presumptive Hall of Famers mentioned in the Mitchell report, steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs undoubtedly contributed more to their lifetime totals and legacies than to those of players like Paxton Crawford and Chris Donnels.
To recoup some of the $20 million spent on compiling his report, Sen. Mitchell ought to take the following team on a barnstorming tour of Indonesia – probably the lone place on earth that these one-time heroes would be unequivocally cheered after today’s events.
It must be doubly humiliating to cheat and still come up short, but sorry, F.P. Santangelo, only the best
cheaters players can make the All-Mitchell Report team. To the rest of you performance-enhancing, no-holds-barredÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â fools, congratulations. You’re a part of history!
C: Paul Lo Duca
1B: Jason Giambi
2B: Brian Roberts
3B: Troy Glaus
SS: Miguel Tejada
LF: Barry Bonds
CF: Lenny Dykstra
RF: Gary Sheffield
Bench: Chuck Knoblauch, Mo Vaughn, David Justice, Benito Santiago, Fernando Vina, Jose Canseco
SP: Roger Clemens
SP: Andy Pettitte
SP: Paul Byrd (and if Sen. Mitchell’s smart, he’ll throw him in Game 3)
SP: Kevin Brown
SP: Denny Neagle
MR: Jason Grimsley, Mike Stanton, Ron Villone, Brendan Donnelly
Closer: Eric Gagne
NOTES: Team speed is obviously not this squad’s forte. Nor is fielding, bunting, or taking the extra base. Moreover, any rotation that rolls out Paul Byrd and Denny Neagle is somewhat susceptible to sucking. But really, with a lineup featuring Barry Bonds, Miguel TejadaÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â and Gary Sheffield, the All-Mitchell team shouldÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â simply outmash any opponent. They’d better, because this might be the worst bullpen since the 1986 Red Sox.