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March 29, 2007 at 6:08 pm ET
You know you were a baseball fan in the 80’s if…

A few days ago, someone forwarded me one of those mildly entertaining but mostly unoriginal emails titled “you know you grew up in the 80’s if…” which listed trivial overgeneralizations such as “3. You know that ‘WOAH’ comes from Joey on Blossom” and “26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.” These are 100 percent accurate because everyone watched Blossom and tried to be like Radio Raheem back in the day.

The great George Brett of the baby blue-wearing AL West powerhouse Kansas City RoyalsUnsatisfied with this list, I decided to form my own 80’s list but put a baseball twist on it. Without further introduction, I present to you my first, and hopefully last, effort at writing the lowest form of modern literature otherwise known as a chain email titled:

You know you were a baseball fan in the 80’s if”

1. You watched This Week in Baseball every Saturday afternoon and still get fired up every time you hear the theme song.

2. You wanted to be a member of “the Baseball Bunch” so you could show Johnny Bench and Tommy Lasorda how great you were at catching pop-ups.

3. You’d convince your mom to buy Twinkies or Ho Ho’s so you could cut out the baseball cards on the back of the boxes.

4. You can remember Wrigley Field before it had lights.

5. You can remember when a player had to play at least 20 games in the big leagues before they’d issue a baseball card for him.

6. You’ve cut your gums by biting into a rock-hard chewing gum stick from a year-old pack of baseball cards.

7. You can remember when hitting 30 home runs qualified as a monster season.

8. You can remember when several pitchers would win over 20 games in the same season.

9. You can remember when teams would wear baby blue colored uniforms on the road.

10. You can remember when the Kansas City Royals were actually competitive in the American League.

11. You have watched a World Series game live in the afternoon.

12. You have watched baseball on NBC and Monday Night Baseball on ABC.

13. You have watched Thursday Night Baseball on the USA Network.

14. You ever collected baseball cards for the shear joy of it, unconcerned about how much the cards were worth.

15. You can remember a time when some major league players made less than $100,000 per year.

16. You can remember when the Wrigley Field bleachers could accurately be called “cheap seats.”

17. You remember when having a player’s Topps card was the only one that really mattered.Having grown up in the 80's, Topps is the only card I can recognize as the Real one

18. You remember when Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds were built like normal human beings.

19. You remember having to wait until the next day’s newspaper arrived to check out the day’s box scores.

20. You can remember twilight doubleheaders, and doubleheaders that were actually on the opening day schedule prior to there being any rainouts.
21. You’ve stuffed a whole package of big league chew in your mouth at the same time to make it appear as though you’re chewing tobacco like a big leaguer.

22. You had an iron-on t-shirt custom made with your favorite player’s face on the front.

23. You can remember buying a pack of baseball cards for less than 50 cents.

24. You remember when the Baltimore Oriole was a happy bird, not just a boring Oriole.

25. You’ve seen a relief pitcher carted onto the field by a baseball-shaped golf cart.
If you forward this column to at least 50 people, your team will win at least 100 games this year.

If you forward this column to 25-49 people, your team will make the playoffs.

If you forward this column to 2-24 people, your team will finish .500 or better.

If you forward this column to zero or only one person, half your team will be on the disabled list by May and your team will be GUARANTEED to lose at least 100 games.

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3 Responses to “You know you were a baseball fan in the 80’s if…”
  1. Jeff Francis says:

    This is fantastic. I am not really old enough to really remember all of this (I was born in 81), but were some legitimate laughs in there. Including the big league chew one- we also used fruit roll-ups. BTW, number 7 is also an example of why Jim Rice should be in the Hall of Fame.

  2. TWIB was outstanding with Mel Allen. The closing theme (called Gathering Crowds) makes he want to circle some bases with my fist in the air every time I hear it. I have looked for it on the web to put it on my iPod but have yet to find it.

    I loved Topps cards especially the early 80’s when I got packs for doing well in Little League.

    Scully and Garagiola on NBC’s Game of the Week were great.

    Thanks for the post John because sometimes I feel like I am the only one who loved this stuff.

    BTW: I used black licorice as fake chaw – the spit kinda looked like tobacco juice.

  3. JD says:

    Great stuff, man. Dead on with TWIB. That theme song playing to the highlights at the end is just about the coolest thing in the world. I wanted to add a comment about Margo Adams in Penthouse, but this is my 1st time on the site & I haven’t gotten the lay of the land yet.

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