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March 17, 2008 at 12:07 am ET
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Your Team Ain’t S#!t #22: The Mets

Since no one else will, I will fill the void of objective team season previews and Devil Rays information on the interwebz:

By previewing the 29 other MLB teams and comparing them to our beloved Devil Rays, in anticipation of the 2008 season which is sure to be the greatest in Devil Rays history, ….

Working backwards through the final Bugs & Cranks Top 30 rankings, we continue with The New York Mets….

Argument #1. ’08 Devil Rays = ’69 Mets…. ’08 Mets = ’07 SF Giants.

One More Dying Quail made the first comparison; I’ll make the second. Last year, San Francisco landed the most hyped pitcher on the market to lead a team full of fossils. This year the Mets landed the most hyped pitcher on the market and have a team packed with players who belong in a museum.

Jose Reyes and David Wright, you say?

Not exactly the most masculine guys to build a team around….

Can’t see them playing hardball like Carl Crawford or Elliot Johnson, much less killing a shark with their bare hands like Scott Dohmann.

Argument #2. The Troy Percival Test.

It’s been a while since I’ve gone to this, but my new favorite Devil Ray Troy Percival says our Devil Rays can go talent-for-talent and player-for-player with anyone. It’s certainly true for the Mets.

Infield. Reyes, Wright, Delgado, Castillo vs. Bartlett, Longoria, Iwamura, Pena.

Evan Longoria is the real deal and will very quickly equal or surpass the Vitamin Water salesman. El Gato Del Crimen Carlos Pena is vastly superior to Delgado. Iwamura is a reliable leadoff hitter and I expect Bartlett to improve offensively surrounded by such a potent offense. Edge: Devil Rays.

Outfield. Beltran, Alou, Church, Chavez vs. Crawford, Upton, Gomes, Floyd.

Jonny Gomes is a tough guy. He defends his teammates — this is what he said about his actions in the recent Devil Rays-Yankees mini-brawl:

I just went in for an old-fashioned forearm shimmy and I grabbed the guy [refers to Shelley “Duvall” Duncan, uses term “guy” loosely]. I was just sending a message.”

He also wrassles.

Ryan Church is an anti-semite.

Our magnificent Mets writer Brad Bortone referred to his leftfielder as Moises “I went to high school with Christ himself” Alou.

Beltran is getting old too and has hardly been consistent since coming to Queens.

Carl Crawford is consistently awesome, and B. J. Upton may be as good or better.

Edge: Devil Rays.


Santana, by his high standards, had kind of a down year last year. I realize these are only spring pretend games, but it didn’t seem like a good omen that Santana gave up a home run to Juan Gonzalez (!) in his first inning of pretend work for the Mets.  I love Pedro, but chances are he won’t stay healthy all year. Our Devil Rays have three young stud starters who should only get better and better: Kazmir, TMOTMCC Shields and Garza. None of whom have impersonators asking to switch outfits with ladies in little black dresses. (By the way, anybody know if the John Maine impersonator was ever brought to justice?) Edge: Devil Rays.


Heilman’s decent but wants to be a starter. Wagner isn’t that great or that reliable. Scott Schoeneweiss is a fan favorite.

Troy Percival, Al Reyes, Dan Wheeler, and Gary Glover are all comfortable and reliable in the late innings. And, again Scott Dohmann is a killer.

Edge: Devil Rays.

Argument #3. Psychology.

Both the Mets and our Devil Rays underachieved last year. Both have higher expectations this year.

But the Mets obviously have more baggage with choking two years in a row, losing the biggest division lead in the history of ever to the Philthies in ’07, and losing Game 7 of the NLCS at home to a crap team that was barely over .500 (those damn ’06 Cardinals). How can they rely on a manager like Willie Randolph who guaranteed everything would be okay, but couldn’t follow through?

Devil Rays manager “Coach Joe” Maddon has a World Series ring from this millennium. Willie Randolph does not.

For all these reasons and lots more, the Mets simply ain’t shit compared to our Devil Rays.

We’ll prove it head-to-head only if we somehow meet in the World Series.

Coming soon to Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays….

On Deck: #23 The Detroit Tigers

In The Hole: #24 The Colorado Rockies

Previously on Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays….

#1 The Pittsburgh Pirates

#2 The Houston Astros

#3 The Florida Marlins

#4 The Baltimore Orioles

#5 The Kansas City Royals

#6 The San Francisco Giants

#7 The Cincinnati Reds

#8 The St. Louis Cardinals

#9 The Chicago White Sox

#10 The Washington Nationals

#11 The Texas Rangers

#12 The Oakland Athletics

#13 The Minnesota Twins

#14 The Toronto Blue Jays

#15 The Los Angeles Dodgers

#16 The Milwaukee Brewers

#17 The Atlanta Braves

#18 The Seattle Mariners

#19 The Chicago Cubs

#20 The San Diego Padres

#21 The Arizona Diamondbacks

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One Response to “Your Team Ain’t S#!t #22: The Mets”
  1. Rich says:

    What are you smoking? I’m not a mets fan, but the mets have the clear edge over the rays in the rotation and bullpen. The mets may not have a great bullpen, but the Rays? Their bullpen sucks.

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