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February 25, 2008 at 12:09 am ET
Your Team Ain’t S#!t #5: The Royals

Since no one else will, I will fill the void of objective team season previews and Devil Rays information on the internets:

By previewing the 29 other MLB teams and comparing them to our beloved Devil Rays, in anticipation of the 2008 season which is sure to be the greatest in Devil Rays history, ….

Working backwards through the final Bugs & Cranks Top 30 rankings, we continue with The Kansas City Royals….

Argument #1: Legitimate Optimism.

On the one hand, it’s hard to blame Royals fans for getting excited their ’07 squad broke a string of 4 straight 100-loss campaigns.

And yet….

That certainly had more to do with last year’s White Sox sucking more ass than TSESO Johnny Damon at a Salad Tossing Convention.

I stumbled across the following in a post by Craig Brown of Royals Authority, apparently NOT written in jest:

But things are looking up for the Royals. A combination of ballsy free agent signings and a developing farm system along with new management across the board have brought a feeling of optimism that hasn’t been seen around these parts for quite some time.

…. If I could bottle the optimism that surrounds this team [the Royals!] and sell it on ebay, I’d be insanely rich.

The Royals may win even more games this year because the Twins will almost certainly be worse and the White Sox might not be much better. But there’s hardly a cause for optimism.It’s not like the Mayor of Royal Town compared the Royals to a 14-year-old Natalie Portman.

It’s not like a 4-time All Star with a World Series ring chose the Royals over the less-talented Yankees. Like my new favorite Devil Ray, Troy Percival, did.

I could go position-by-position here, but I don’t think it would make very interesting reading.

I see your Alex Gordon, and raise you an Evan Longoria and a B. J. Upton.

I see your Jose Guillen, and I raise you a Carl Crawford, an EGDC Carlos Pena, and a Cliff Floyd.

And you have no pitching. So it’s nice you’re excited about your new manager, but that pretty much makes you last year’s Marlins. Good luck with those ebay sales.

You absolutely, positively ain’t shit compared to our beloved Devil Rays.

We’ll prove it head-to-head at The Trop on Friday The 4th of July till Monday July 7, and again in KC Thursday July 24 to Sunday July 27.

Coming soon to Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays….

On Deck: #6 The San Francisco Giants

In The Hole: #7 The Cincinnati Reds
Previously on Your Team Ain’t S#!t Compared To The Devil Rays….

#1 The Pittsburgh Pirates

#2 The Houston Astros

#3 The Florida Marlins

#4 The Baltimore Orioles

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4 Responses to “Your Team Ain’t S#!t #5: The Royals”
  1. Adam C. says:

    The real competition between TB and KC isn’t measured by wins or losses. The real fun is in watching to see who has the most sought after players. Let’s see, who’s ripe for the pickin’ this year?

  2. Billy says:

    The Royals team era was over a run lower that the Rays last year, since apparently you didnt do any research before writing this piece of shit I thought I’d help you out.

  3. David Chalk David Chalk says:

    Our Devil Rays have made vast improvements to their pitching staff since last season. This is a preview of what will happen in 2008.

  4. Billy says:

    I see, well good luck trying to get 71 wins and 3rd place. (That would be the best season ever right?)

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