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March 27, 2009 at 12:02 am ET
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Photoshop Fridays: Byrd, Loney, Ginter/Dunn

Beyond my passion for penning near-readable blog posts, I enjoy the finer things in life – baseball, insufferable puns and poorly crafted Photoshop renderings. You’re cordially invited to indulge in the infusion of all of those things each and every Friday. So come in, and enjoy a private gallery viewing on this most glorious Photoshop Friday.

“Marlon Byrd and Marlin Bird” - Medium: JPEG. Genre: Impressionist. This work is to my catalogue as “Nude Descending Staircase, No. 2″ is to Marcel Duchamp’s. Having done no research beyond taking a few seconds to think on the subject, I can confidently say Marlon Byrd (with the help of almighty phoenetics) is the only active MLB player to have the name of to types of animals. Byrd is hitting .348 this spring, but as part of a Rangers outfield that boasts five big league capable outfielders – and Andruw Jones – his name will be unfairly withheld more than it rightfully should.

But when peering at Marlon Byrd, and his Marlin Bird, gracefully abound in the cleansing waves of the sea, I imagine him to be happy, as happy as a 600 AB season would make him. Live on, Marlon. Live as you wish or die trying – and only then will you truly be free. And yes, this also counts as Marlins coverage.

“Sgt. Peppers Loney Hearts Club Band” – I don’t know why, but I really like James Loney. Between Loney and teammate Matt Kemp, I couldn’t begin to answer which Dodgers youngster I overvalue more; which I’ve unwisely placed more unfounded fantasy baseball expectations upon or, oddly, which I’d rely on to get me through cold and lonely nights if stranded on a secluded womanless cay. It’s a toss-up on all accounts. But as far as Photoshop Friday goes, I had to go with Loney over Kemp. And since the Loney/Lonely connection is so simple, I tried to take the high road in its execution.

“Ginter-Dunn” – As indicated in my bio, I also write for a Brewers Web site called Right Field Bleachers. I try not to link the site too much, as it’d be a pity to spoil an otherwise professional post about Craig Counsell resembling a child or Craig Counsell probably liking Science, Goosebumps books by linking to other stuff I’ve written. But RFB’s founder, and one of my good friends, Jared has possessed a simple dream for years. No, it’s not a Brewers World Series… that will happen on its own soon enough; it’s not for pubic hair or a slightly less owl-like appearance… he’s given up on those. The sole dream of this dilligent blogger is to – if just once – glance at a lineup card to witness, in order, Ginter and Dunn. In loose punnage of a somehow popular catch phrase used by a somehow popular “comedian,” Ginter/Dunn could’ve hypothetically happened once. But with Keith Ginter getting progressively worse at a game he’s never been all that good at, and Adam Dunn playing to 16 unattentive Nationals fans – it probabaly never will. This Ginter/Dunn isn’t your dream, Jared, but it’s the best I could do… excluding the complete lack of effort I put into the Photoshop, of course.

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3 Responses to “Photoshop Fridays: Byrd, Loney, Ginter/Dunn”
  1. meech.one says:

    That Marlon Byrd photoshop just might be the greatest piece of art I have ever seen.

  2. Jared says:

    Tyler,

    Thank you for the Ginter/Dunn Photoshop.

    While the Keith Ginter/Adam Dunn combo appears to be little more than a pipe dream now, I have not lost all hope in Ginter/Dunn. Rather than hoping for a Ginter/Dunn combo batting next to each other in a line-up, I now spend my days dreaming of a Ginter/Dunn duel. Imagine if newly signed Brewers journeyman pitcher Matt Ginter could one day face Adam Dunn in an epic Ginter/Dunn match-up.

    A boy can dream. — Jared from Right Field Bleachers

  3. guy says:

    That first picture is the reason why God gave us Photoshop. Beautiful.

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